Year: 1996
Rated: R
Run Time: 108 minutes
Production Company: Dimension Films / Band Apart
Director: Robert Rodriguez
Starring:George Clooney, Quentin Tarantino, Harvey Kitel, Cheech Marin
T & A: Hmmm.... lemme think. Yes.
Potato Eating: Irishman

"Hey, isnıt that biker guy from Dawn of the Dead?"

Now hereıs the fucking story. The Gecko Brothers, perhaps Americaıs most notorious and viscious bank robbers, have gotten all the loot they need...and now they need to get down to Mexico, where they will be fed a continuous supply of hot shit-burritos, and will be forced to listen to that god-awful Mariachi music until their balls explode. But they have to get their stinky felon asses down there quick, because every six-shooting pig with a limp-dick in the country is after them. They decide to hi-jack some Baptist Preacher (Jesus Loves You, you sorry-ass pencil pushing whimp) and his candy ass familyıs WINNEBAGO.....this way they can succesfully hide from the border patrol and its Mexican-American wrath.

Seth Gecko (George Clooney) is a hot-tempered, and intelligent theif. He is merciless, and Indian-spears so much rectum, that he constantlty mail orders Siberian Butt Monkeys to jerk him off while he overdoses on ARBYıS SPECIAL SAUCE packets. Let me just get one thing straight before I go on: this motherfucker kicks dick-sucking vampire ASS. I mean, you want this badass on your side. But his brother, Richie, is a sick, sick sex offender. Heıll rape anyone, even that fat bag of shit at the beginning of the movie (thatıs proof right there that heıs a sick fuck). You know, Iım willing to bet heıs a pederast, too (for all you drooling retards out there, thatıs basically a pedophile....and STILL, for all you wheelchair-bound and half conscious retards that constsantly make ³hooping² noises for no particular reason, thatıs a child molester). But anyway, this twisted ass-licker is constantly fighting with his older brother. If you ask me, Seth Gecko should have bought him a leash years ago. But there is a problem....Richie has a sick crush on the Reverendıs hot piece-of-ass little daughter.

But anyway, back to the main story outline. They take the Reverend Jacob Fullerıs (Harvey Keitel, this time without showing his dick) family hostage, and like I said before, you simpleton, they want the family sipmly for their fat-ass Winnebago. The Fuller family is very troubled, kind of like those redneck pieces of shit you see on Jerry Springer all the time....except Jacob is a Godless preacher (after losing his bearded wife in a car accident), his daughter Kate, is a hot piece of ass constantly making him guilty for the wet dreams he gives her, and his adopted son is a member of the Viet Cong. So, as you can imagine, this familyıs pretty fucked up. Anywho, the Gecko brothers, with the aid of the Fuller family, make it across the border, where they must meet up with some Coke-Sniffing Mexican asshole who is their only ticket to salvation, to a little town called El Ray. The arrangement is to meet at a bar called THE TITTY TWISTER in the morning, where the Gecko brothers will give him 30% of their loot in exchange for safe-haven in El Ray.....well, the place turns out to be a dive, but hey, it could have been worse...they could have wound up at THE DICK PULLER, god forbid.

It just so happens that the place is run by faggot vampires, who only use their women as entertainment for the stank-ass bikers who attend the bar. Eventually, all hell breaks loose, and our heroes must fight for their lives a la NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD. And thereıs your the fucking review:

I liked this movie one FUCK of alot. I mean, such a fresh and original idea as this is about as common as that pimply-nerd (whoıs only friend is the Biology teacher) in your U.S. Economics class getting a blow-job from the prom queen. It doesnıt happen. FROM DUSK TILL DAWN has it all: laughs, bitchinı one-liners, TITS, ASS, Salma Hayek almost nude (fucking cock teaser), tits, ass, vampires, tits, ass, horror legend Tom Savini and tits and ass. The plot actually unfolds very nicely, and the character development is impressive (now I sound like one of those pussy movie-reviewers that you can find in your local newspaper). My only problem with this slut-fest known as DUSK TILL DAWN is the fact that the second half isnıt nearly as affective as the twat-conquering first half. But other than that, there isnıt anything bad to say about this flick. This is what weıve all seen those well behaved and politely-spoken guys who run NOTC ask for: good horror, good scares, and TITS AND ASS. What more could you want?

BOTTOM LINE: This ass-rocking splatter fest will put dicks on chicks, and turn pillow-biting ferries straight.


Our Rating System

THE SARGEANT: "Simply put, DUSK TILL DAWN is an excellent way to spend a couple of hours...sure, the second-half may be weak compared to the first half, but donıt let that throw you: the whole movie still kicks redneck scrotum apples."