Year: 1989
Rated: R
Run Time: 81 minutes
Production Company: Vestron
Director: Bob Balaban
Starring: Randy Quaid, Mary Beth Hurt, Sandy Dennis, The Hogan Family
T & A: Middle-Aged Tease
Sister, Sister : Brother Brother!

"That Darn Good!"

Parents. Damn they suck. Always getting in the way, enforcing their stupid rules and regulations, throwing out my Twisted Sister vinyls. Damn. But this film proves it could be a lot worse. Imagine, if you will, if your parents are cannibals, and even more disturbingly, SEX FIENDS! Bleah. Randy Quaid works for some messed up biological weapon company, one that produces a lot of cadavers. So, Randy says "Damn raising meat prices, I'll just get choice cuts from these dead bodies!" Didn't the Dead Kennedys write a song about this? In a couple of cool scenes, Randy discovers a tumour inside the liver he's cooking up, and chews out his assistant the next day at work for showing him bad meat. There's also the one where the kid, suspiscious of the fact that all his parents ever serve is "Leftovers", goes looking around in the basement and finds a severed arm on a meat hook.

Parents is truly the story of the disturbed little boy whose parents engage in orgies of sex and cannibalism on futons in the living room after he goes to bed. They've also been feeding him human flesh and organs for his whole life. His days and nights are plagued by horrifying visions of blood, nasty kids making fun of him at school, and a dad who bares more than a passing resemblance to Mr. Cleaver. His one friend is a very odd girl who thinks she's an alien or some shit. Oh yeah, they're both nine so they don't get it on. His other "wannabe" friend is the school guidance counsellor, a kindly, understanding woman that wants to help this little boy overcome his problems. The bitch gets knocked out, gutted, and has her intestines served for dinner.

So, while you would think this movie would be bloody and cool, but the violence is few and far between and full of rapid cutaways. You would think that it would be a funny black comedy but it tries too hard and just feels kind of stupid. You would think it would be a probing and provocative look into the mind of a disturbed little boy, but- Wait a damn minute, who the hell would think that?

This movie contains a few cool scenes, like the ones I outlined above and a very cool ending where the kid kills his parents and ends up going to live with his equally cannibalistic (unknown to him) grandparents. But it seems really long and kind of cheesy, I don't think the production values were very high either. Also, we're subjected to some nasty middle aged screwing. That's minus a star and a half at least. This isn't really worth a rental, but a few good scenes give it TWO STARS. That's all for now, SUCKA!


Our Rating System

Splice: "Severed Arms: Just Right For The Rec Room!"

Sam the Cat: "I told you we should have rented Redneck Zombies."