WHAT BEING SEXY IS ALL ABOUT




If you're reading these lines... then you're one fat pathetic bastard, because that means you are so desperate for entertainment that you would lower yourself to pick up the sopping fecal scraps dropped from the infernal asshole of the Creep Nation. Yes, here in this dank and turd-encrusted vault of woe lie the diseased rantings of NOTC's most hopeless and debase slaves. Do not think of this collection of festering fecal sores as "the NOTC B-Team" or anything so glamorous. These scurvy wretches are no better than the steaming piles of maggot-laced dogshit that they scoop into the mighty blast furnaces beneath Snake Mountain. They exist to serve and then cease to exist. Though they lack the inherent guile and god-like sexual prowess of the pelvic pit-commanders above, the scum-sucking blowflies of THE SLAVE PIT have compiled an ever-expanding list of their own reviews for you to scrounge through. Do not make the mistake of having pity on them: they revel in their indentured servitude to the Creep Nation and gladly lick the boots that kick them.

THE FLICK

QUOTABLE QUOTE

SKULL RATING (0-5)

WHO TO BLAME

BABY ATE A WHORE

"Looks normal enough... but at night it goes a creepin'."

X 2

Pimpanzee

BLOODSUCKERS FROM OUTER SPACE

"...perfect for viewing with that special someone right before you pop in BIG BREASTED HARLOTS SUCK OFF COMPETITION 13."

Astry

BORDELLO OF BLOOD

"I know he's Corey Feldman and all but, if some creepy old man told you to climb into a casket for some ass, would you do it? .......OK, bad example."

CTA

CEMETARY MAN

"Remember: It's Not Rape If It's DEAD."

RANKY THE DWARF

CURFEW

"Whatever way you look at it the bottom line is CURFEW is sleazy horror with all the happiness of an anal probe."

Gorelord

DEAD ALIVE

"Kick the baby!"

Splice

FIRST KID

"Dieses ist meine Hölle"

Hitler's Brain

FROM DUSK TIL DAWN

"FROM DUSK TILL DAWN has it all: laughs, bitchin¹ one-liners, TITS, ASS, Salma Hayek almost nude (fucking cock teaser), tits, ass, vampires, tits, ass, horror legend Tom Savini and tits and ass."

SARGE

GOOD BURGER

"Good Burger is a fun time place to rock."

BUDDY

HALLOWEEN 2

"At one point a character opens a dumpster, and a cat jumps out and hits him in the face."

ZMATURIN

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER

"Yeah... we all know what you did last summer... you choked on my greasy load!"

SPLICE

JASON GOES TO HELL

"Back That Ass Up"

CTA(nus)

NIGHT BEAST

"With the money they had, the makers of this cheese had the choice of either making a horror/sci-fi blockbuster or getting a burger and fries.... They should have gone to Burger King."

Gorelord

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1990)

"Zombie wacking action"

SPLICE

NUDE FOR SATAN

"Rooty Tooty, The Devil Likes Booty!"

RANKY THE DWARF

OUT OF THE BODY

"A Demonic Force Lurks? ...the only demonic force lurking was up my ass."

Gorelord

PARENTS

"Your parents are cannibals, and even more disturbingly... SEX FIENDS!"

SPLICE

PET SEMATARY

"You have a boner, dont you."

CORNDWELLER

PSYCHOPATH

"Folks, this is one odd motherfucker."

Gorelord

RAIDERS OF THE LIVING DEAD

"The only Thing These Zombies Eat Is Dick!"

Ranky The Dwarf

SCREAM 3

"People die. The killers are revealed. Shit goes down. You know the fucking story."

B Fatt

SLIME CITY

"Zachary's plan was to re-incarnate himself and his followers into the bodies of future tenants by having his daughter feed them the pudding."

CTA

THE STORY OF RICKY

"It's over so quickly, but the memory still lasts a lifetime."

RANKY THE DWARF

SUMMER CAMP NIGHTMARE

"Fucking YAY! We want to see a bitch's ass."

Corndweller

SUSPIRIA

"Maggot infestations, death by razor wire, the up close penetration of a beating heart, weird voices in the night, sadistic ballet instructors, some very fuckable babes... this one has it all."

Gorelord

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2

"Dennis F'n Hopper is armed to the teeth with flesh tearin' cannibal rippin' sawz and loves the smell of barbecued hillbilly in the morning."

CTA

THAT DARN CAT!

"What a star."

BUDDY

WITHIN THE ROCK

"A-Pix Declares war on all that's good and decent with this [cock hungry sack-grappler]."

Splice




PARALEGAL HORSESHIT

As if anyone out there gave a shit, any and all material submitted to Night of the Creeps to be posted upon their highly offensive "Internet Slave Pit" forum by outside sources is hereby deemed the sole intellectual property of Night of the Creeps. As a result of this exclusive ownership, Night of the Creeps reserves the right to edit, re-edit, delete in part or in whole, manipulate, or otherwise maliciously fuck with any and all material submitted in this fashion at whim. They also reserve the exclusive right to make fun of your small penis in front of girls on the playground, insult your wack rhymes, diss your lady friend with the crooked glass tit, toss your salad, butter your cone, put cheese on your macaroni, or urinate in your shoe before the big game. Night of the Creeps similarly reserves the right to make money by the publication, distribution, or viral proliferation of said material by any and all means (electronic or otherwise) and give the contributing writers exactly what they deserve in return: and that's a fat kick in the testicles. If the aforementioned contributing writer is of the male gender but has no testicles, then a pair of testicles with be appointed to him and the said fat kick will be delivered unto them at a mutually agreeable time and place. If the contributing writer is of the female gender: a fat kick in the general pelvic region will suffice. If the aforementioned female contributing writer is pregnant with child, said fat kick will be administered to the ass. If the aforementioned female contributing writer's ass is pregnant (and I have seen it happen), said fat kick will be administered to the chin in an off-the-top-rope "dropkick" fashion by a masked Mexican wrestler. In the event that a masked, Mexican wrestler is unavailable to administer said fat kick to the head then a werewolf will be appointed by the court for the task. If aforementioned werewolf is unavailable for the dispensing of justice- then we will all say fuck it and go get a taco. Anyone who has a serious problem with the crew of Night of the Creeps disrespecting them or their work on this forum had best back the fuck up now and go get a oatmeal cookie from grandma before she lets Larry lick the spoon. It should also be noted that mama wasn't no dog but she sure raised a son of a bitch. Now quit squinting your eyes trying to read this shit, it makes you look retarded... All rights reserved. All-Beef Patent pending.