WITNESS THE LEGEND OF BIG BEAR
Greetings, mortal phlegm. I am Bai Mei, Patron Shinto Deity of Free Shit. Whenever you see my happy face... that can only mean that a bountiful harvest of wondrous prizes await you. However... there is always a catch. My Free Shit has a price (which doesn't make any damn sense now that I think of it), and today that price is:
N.O.T.C. CONTEST ONE:
That's right kids, you waited a day too long and missed your chance. The victor was GODEN!!! All hail!!! In the next few days we'll have another contest up for all of you to drool over. We just need some time to recover from all those entries.
Read It and Weep: The Fine Print (for those of you who came looking for something interesting...)
Night of the Creeps Contest One: King For a Day, Jackass 4 Life is the exclusive intellectual property of six retarded hobo clowns from Scranton, New Jersey. Any attempt to duplicate this contest on any rival site or publication will result in the immediate dispatch of a team of highly trained ninja assassins with orders to maim the offending party. The staff at Night of the Creeps is solely responsible for the shipping and handling of 'THE SHAOLIN MYSTERY BOX' and all of its contents. However, if something goes horribly amiss during shipping- and the winner winds up getting a six pound box of broken junk and spoiled potato salad... all we can say is: tough titty. This contest is null and void in the following areas: Kwantung Province, The People's Court, Idaho, The Ostrich Farm off Highway 441, Hudson's Adventure Island, Milon's Secret Castle, The Confederate States of America, Backstage at 'Forgive and Forget', Pelican's Bay Maximum Security Prison, and in all places Amish. 'King for a Day, Jackass 4 Life' is not open to friends or relatives of Night of the Creeps staffers: except for those who always let us borrow money and/or apologize after cutting a nasty ass fart on my new couch. Entry into this contest also automatically entitles the applicant into our 'Lethal Lottery' held every Arbor Day, where the winner will be mailed an 8 inch log of human excrement wrapped in tin foil. Night of the Creeps or its staffers are not responsible for the contraction of Hepatitus B, Hepatitus C, E. Coli, Bubonic Plague, Equine Encephalitus, Green Apple Splatters, or any other virulent pathogen (lethal or otherwise) by the winner(s) of this or any other sanctioned Night of the Creeps contests. 'King for a Day, Jackass 4 Life' will be considered completely null and void in the event of: Nuclear Holocaust, Robot Holocaust, Meteor Shower, Alien Invasion, Limited Nuclear Exchange, Concentrated Nerve Gas Attack, Earthquake, Typhoon, Hurricane, or in the event that the Dead Rise From Their Graves and Feast Upon the Flesh of the Living. In any of the above cases: we're fucked- so you don't win anything. Four or five will enter. One will win. In the end there can be only one. Member FDIC. All rights reserved. Patent Pending. Tastes so good you forget the fiber. Night of the Creeps: 1998. Oh, and don't you have something more constructive to do with your day than read this shit?