ARCHIVED RUMORS: FEBRUARY 1999



"Watch Out Sin!"





With so many victims knocking on Doc Ock's door, it's hard to choose which ugly bitch is worthy of my spoor. The bitches say they don't want it, but they always beg for more. Maybe that's cause my donkity kong is guaranteed to make them sore. Syphillis, Clamydia: I'm gettin riddiya!






SCREAM 3 On Its Way!

February 21st, 1999


A recent issue of VARIETY sported ann ad for Miramax International / Dimension Films' latest horror flick juggernaut: SCREAM 3. In the ad, NEVE CAMPBELL's name was listed as a member of the cast! Pretty fucking shocking considering she's vowed to never set foot in front of the SCREAM cameras again for fear of being typecast as a...well... a scream queen. Of course, this mentality will change once she's 30 years old and in rehab for that rite bastard of a heroin addiction she's cultivating. She'd fucking jump for the chance to suck upon the Midas-like dick of the franchise that gave her 15 minutes of fame. But anyway... the appearance of her name upon this ad has sparked quite a bit of controversy. Our main man in Amsterdam ARC VILE contacted Neve's representatives and inquired as to her involvement in the project. They refused to comment one way or the other on the matter. Hmmm.... Oh, and just in case you're wondering: YES, Kevin Williamson is writing the script. YES, Wes Craven is going to direct it. And YES, it is still scheduled to come out on DECEMBER 10TH of THIS YEAR! Now for God's sake, will you leave me the fuck alone?




CUT That Shit Out!

February 21st, 1999


Have you been to the Outback lately? Well I sure haven't: those Bloomin' Onions give me the shits somethin' awful. But if you HAVE been to the outback lately- you've probably heard of the latest SCREAM-clone that's in pre-production there. It's a slasher called CUT, and it's the brainchild of two alcoholic barnburners from down under: Bill Bennet and Kimble Rendall. The film (who's miniscule $3.5 million dollar budget may likely inhibit its widespread release) centers around a pack of unruly film students who get murdered one by one was they try to film their own horror flick. The film is set to go before cameras sometime early this year... but U.S. release dates (as well as talent) at this time are unknown.




Hannibal Lecter to Return In MORBIDITY OF THE SOUL!

February 17th, 1999


For fans of America's most eligable cannibal mastermind, Hannibal Lecter, there should be a cause for celebration. According to the limey Brit fishwrapper THE DAILY NEWS, Anthony Hopkins (that's SIR Anthony Hopkins to you, bitch) has agreed to do one last film before retiring cinema altogether.... and that film just happens to be a sequel to SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. This new film, titled MORBIDITY OF THE SOUL will be based on the up and coming novel (penned by SILENCE author Thomas Harris and will be directed by Johnathan Demme. But don't hold your breath, cannibal kiss asses: Sir Anthony still has two flicks comnig down the pipe that have to clear before he can star as the dread doctor Lecter: the hurly burly tale of a wild man stuck in the big city "INSTINCT" and some mystery project called "TITUS ANDRONICUS". Look for MORBIDITY OF THE SOUL sometime late in 2000... if not later!




Marilyn Manson Jumps Ship on HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL!

February 16th, 1999


Rootie Poo Hardcore Death Fag MARILYN MANSON has long had his name attached to the upcoming remake of the Vincent Price horror classic "THE HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL". Well, fuck that. in a press release that came down the pike yesterday: it was revealed that Manson is no longer involved with the project at all. He has jumped ship, alongside the the superfine ELIZABETH HURLEY. But who are the other actors still aboard the project? After all, it *did* just start production this weekend. Well, here's a rundown of the cast thus far: Geoffery Rush, Bruce Dern, Bridgette Wilson, Chris "SNL" katten, Peter Gallagher, Taye Diggs, and VARSITY BLUES' Ali Larter.

The film details a group of individuals who agree to spend the night in a haunted mansion for a sizeable chunk of cash. Of course, all kinds of ghoulish shit goes down and yes, people die. Expect HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL to hit theaters late this year.




Clive Barker's New Film Project: AMERICAN HORROR

February 11th, 1999


If any of you little bastards out there knew how to put down the pipe and pick up a fucking book once in awhile, you'd probably know that CLIVE BARKER is one of the more prolific horror authors of our generation. However, if you've only seen a large amount of his movies: you'd think he was little more than a two-bit Hollywood whore who sold out early in the game. With such miserable film titles as RAWHEAD REX, NIGHTBREED, and (the tolerable) LORD OF ILLUSIONS to his credit, it's amazing that he still gets such credit in the horror movie biz. Sure, HELLRAISER was bad ass... but that was back in the fucking 80s, and since then the series has gone to complete and total shit. So, what's a champ like Barker to do these days? Well, with the dawn of a new millenium approaching- he's decided to launch AMERICAN HORROR. AMERICAN HORROR is Clive's vision of an epic horror franchise along the lines of DRACULA or FRANKENSTEIN. His goal is to draw upon American folklore and mythology to create an entirely new horror series for his unclean assmasters at NEW LINE CINEMA: with each film focusing on independent plots: similar to the TALES FROM THE CRYPT style of films. Very little is known about this first incarnation of AMERICAN HORROR, as Barker is keeping his mouth closed about the whole thing. However, leaks have indicated that the film will be set in the year 1866, folloowing the expansion of the American railroad across the desolate, unpopulated Western frontier. Yes... just like Barker, it sounds pretty uppity and hoootie poo. Art house fag he may be... but when Barker does put his mind to it- he can come up with some pretty lasting horror icons that deliver the gore to the masses! We'll keep you posted on further developments!




Why America Should Hate COLD HEARTS

February 6th, 1999


You know you've all heard the rumors: Amy Jo "Pink Power Ranger" Johnson in a pseudo-lesbo vampiric horror flick. Well guess what? Tough titty. You'll get none of that in COLD HEARTS, the up and coming story of 20s something vampire subculture in modern day Angel Grove. What you *WILL* get is an assload of feelings and romance. Directed and produced by Robert A. Masciantonio (and starring Marisa Ryan, Amy Jo Johnson, Christopher Wiehl, Neve's little brother Christian and Robert Floyd) the flick COLD HEARTS will explore how all these angst-ridden vampire faggots deal with their vampirism in a variety of unique ways. Some vampires love to kill. Some vampires hate the fact that they need to feed. And some vampires just plain suck... DICK. This movie looks as though it will be complete and total shit from the get go. Fuck- it's touted as "Part Romance, All Horror Movie." Fuck that. References to THE LOST BOYS and NEAR DARK have been made. FUCK THAT. This flick will dawn on screens sometime in late 1999. FUCK THAT.




BLADE Sequel Set In Stone

February 6th, 1999


Everyone here at NOTC considers themselves BLADE fans...well, except for SUZETTE THE SASSY FRENCH MONKEY: who's a fan of giant, throbbing cock. So it should come as no surprise that we're all happy as a baby in a barrel of titties that New Line Cinema's She-Bitch Whorelord of the Culluloid Holocaust, Lynn Harris, announced last week that BLADE 2 has been officially greenlit. Damn right. The vampire ass busting continues with Wesley Snipes leading the cast. Produced by Wesley's own Amen Ra film company, BLADE 2 is going to be scripted by the same writer responsible for the first one: David Goyer. Since this project is still in the first trimester of its rancid fetal development, no plotlines or further details are known. Release dates are sketchy at the moment... with a late 1999 release not out of the question: but pretty fucking unlikely! It's pretty safe to say that BLADE 2 will contain a lot of the same madcap Shaolin asswhippings and go-go gadget death machines that made the original so much fun. BLADE took in over $70 million dollars at the domestic box office- so you can bet your pale, flabby, industrial war zone ass that New Linewill do their best to bring the masses more of the same. Always Bet On Black!




The Creators of TX25 Revealed For
The Shithole Ass Bandits They Are!

February 5th, 1999


For everyone out there who thought for a split second that the latest incarnation of the TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (the highly touted "TX25") would be cool: guess a-fuckin-gain. It has been revealed by the Cootchie Cult Ambassador to the Creep Empire that the one and only A-PIX ENTERTAINMENT is heading up the project!!! That's right A-PIX: the same fucking company who has the distinguished honor of having every single flick they put out get plastered onto YE OLDE SHIT LIST before the the credits roll. A-PIX: the company that brought you such classic cocksucking shitfests as JACK FROST, ICE CREAM MAN, BLEEDERS, UNCLE SAM, and EVIL ED. A-PIX: the souless mega-corporation that threatens to drive the entire genre into a festering six foot deep ass pit from which their is no return. Folks, rest assured that this movie has, at this point, EVERYTHING working against it. A-PIx is a fucking death sentence to any self-respecting horror fan... and to see the once imposing TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE franchise reduced to this fucking trailer-trash garbage is a goddamn fucking shame.




RAVENOUS Pushed Back

February 5th, 1999


Although confidence in the latest cannibal exploitation flick RAVENOUS isn't running rampant through NOTC's diseased ranks... we thought that a few of your godless heathens out there might be interested to know that its released has been delayed until MARCH 19th, 1999. Apparently, some recent test screenings were received so fucking poorly that studio execs decided that it needed a little reworking before hitting theaters. Of course, this movie (which looks snooty and dull as shit judging from its trailers) is going to fucking tank at the box office anyway no matter what they do to it. Despite this, the Miami Whorelords here at NOTC will be there with the full scoop on RAVENOUS as soon as we can- so look for our full-length review to grace your ass in the near future. Now here's that ugly ass poster for it that just came out!


DOC OCK WOULD LIKE TO THANK




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