Archived News: May 1999



"Try Our $6.99 Seafood Platter!"



Got Some News, Rumors, Or Scoops For Doctor Octagon?


While those OTHER GUYS were feasting on prawns, shellfish, and honey-baked haminoid wonder hocks.... the poor Mexican orphans we have chained to our NOTC Rumor Mill were busting their dirty little asses to bring you the best horror movie rumors around! O.K., so that's bullshit. They actually just stole 90% of this crap from other pages and let DOCTOR PENTATHALON retype it with a bunch of profanity added. But still, we've got plenty for you to look at this month- so dig in!




As If Godzilla Wasn't Bad Enough

May 27th, 1999


Apparently, the rumors of MARQUIS De SADE's death were greatly exaggerated. Looks like someone didn't do their fucking job. That's the last time we ever use assassins with Down Syndrome. Anyway... the Marquis was good enough to send us a quick little blurb about the upcoming horror farce KOMODO. Indulge!

"Get ready for something horrid. An Australian based-company was managed to create an idea more rancid than Americanizing Godzilla. Komodo dragons...typical story...Komodo dragon eggs are snagged by some hippie poacher and falls off the back of a truck, growing up to be super huge Komodo dragons....skip twenty years later, and a series of missing persons and animal attacks keep happening on this island. A young boy watches his parents and nanny get brutally mauled by the creature (whom the film keeps in shadows) and goes nuts. A young woman, for no reason whatsoever, decides to find the boy and watch over him. Wackiness ensues. Starring Scott Wolf and Jill Hennessy, it's takes itself seriously as a young boy (or man....what is Scott Wolf?) goes tribal after watching a little fucking lizard ten times it's normal size, chop his 'rents. The film is in the can with no release date set, and I hope to God it stays there."

Now if you're simply THAT pathetic... NOTC's inverted potato gump squadron has unearthed a complete KOMODO SPOILER review for you. So simply take your meaty fist out of your underpants and CLICK BABY CLICK.


Would the Doctor Care to Dine With Us Again?

May 27th, 1999


Yet another nugget of joy from the hypnotic circus anus of MARQUIS De SADE. This time he's dumping some science on us about the upcoming sequel to SILENCE TO THE LAMBS. Once thought to be entitled "MORBIDITY OF THE SOUL", it looks like this project will now be operating under the title "HANNIBAL". But I digress: here's the Marquis' secret communique. Fillet.

"One of the biggest literary stories right now is the release of Hannibal, Robert Harris's sequel to his bestseller Silence of the Lambs. And while the book has yet to even hit shelves (June 8th) rumors of the sequel are already underway. Set seven years after the escape of the Good Doctor in Silence, Clarissa Starling is tracking a serial killer who is copycatting Lecter, and suddenly begins recieving help from a mysterious "outside" source. Jodie Foster, Jonathan Demme (the director of Silence) and Anthony Hopkins (whose 'Instinct', looks like Lecter in the Jungle) are all more then willing to reprise their roles, and have already been handed a manuscript. The movie is aiming for a Y2K release. Though not a NOTC type film, it is definately not to be missed."


SCREAM 3 Poster Revealed!

May 19th, 1999






And if that wasn't enough, we managed to beat a confession out of the webmistress over at the Scream Trilogy website. In between pleading for her life and coughing up blood-laced phlegm, she managed to divulge the following info on the anticipated Hollywood hack 'n' slash. Here's what she said:

"I have been able to read certain scenes of the SCR3AM script. I would love to call the script 'brilliant' but I can't. Mostly because I have not read enough to jump to that conclusion. But the scenes that I have read are very, very well written... the basic outline is as follows... Sydney Prescott moves to Hollywood in search of a career in showbiz, and after Gale Weathers (who is a very wealthy person now) pulls a few strings, she is hired as a personal assistant to a "Scream Queen" type actress. The actress is a giant bitch...I kept imagining Charisma Carpenter ("Buffy's" Cordelia) in the role. "Stab 2" is about to go into production. That is when all hell brakes loose once again. But this time, Sidney must look to the past to learn who the killers are. She is aided by mysterious phone calls from someone who claims to have known Mrs.Loomis. The film takes extremely hilarious shots at movies like URBAN LEGEND and I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER. Jennifer Love Hewitt should probably not see SCR3AM because she is made fun of, to an extreme level.."




JEFFREY COMBS TO RETURN AS HERBERT WEST

May 19th, 1999


All those rumors about a third installment in the classic RE-ANIMATOR series are true! Well, except for that whole "gerbil in the anus" thing. Anyways, those trusted stench-givers over at FILMAX will be backing long time horror director STUART GORDON (the man behind RE-ANIMATOR, FROM BEYOND, and CASTLE FREAK) in this project. Dubbed, BEYOND RE-ANIMATOR, the film will once again feature none other than the spectacular JEFFREY COMBS as the diabolical Dr. Herbert West! At this point, it is unknown whether BEYOND RE-ANIMATOR will be a direct-to-video release or actually see any time on the silver screen. Our bet (which is always on black) is that it'll be a straight-to-video affair.... but then again: what the fuck do we know? Regardless of the future developments of this project: NOTC will keep you posted.


JASON 2000?

May 19th, 1999


When prodded with a pointy stick, the President of Production at NEW LINE CINEMA (a.k.a. Michael De Luca) admitted that another FRIDAY THE 13th movie will be made after FREDDY VS. JASON rips up theaters towards the end of the year. The new film is tentatively titled JASON X (no relation to Maclom) and will supposedly feature teen butcher supreme KANE HODDER behind the mask for yet another murderous rampage. The 10th installment of the venerable Friday the 13th legacy is slated to hit theater sometime in the year 2000... about the same time that a gigantic chunk of martian moon rock (XJB-487) is calculated to slam into earth, utterly obliterating life as we know it. Hot damn!




RESIDENT EVIL IN SERIOUS TROUBLE

May 6th, 1999


Faceless Assassins loyal to the eminent Cocoa Van Peebles (father of "Super" Mario Van Peebles and Fruity Van Peebles) revealed to us the day we held aloft our magic swords and made you say: "Uuuuuuunnnnh!" that the upcoming horror flick RESIDENT EVIL is in serious trouble. According to an unknown source, the entire RESIDENT EVIL project is in danger of getting the royal flush by its master GEORGE ROMERO. According to the source, Romero is quoted as saying:

It's just a mess. I did a bunch of drafts of the script and, you know, the same Hollywood story... I don't know if it's dead or what."

For those of you illegal immigrants out there who have been doing your homework instead of harvesting citrus products: you're aware that George Romero is currently collaborating with the MATRIX's Wachowski Brothers on an upcoming cannibal-horror release entitled CARNIVORE. This would seem to lend credibility to the rumors that RESIDENT EVIL, if not already scrapped completely, is at least on the back burner for now (along with that pot pie with the flaky crust). Keep up with us on this one... and we'll keep your 32-bit ass posted.


NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET DVDEMONIC POSSESSION

May 6th, 1999


Praise be to the high lord of the soiled amish undergarments: OOKLA THE MOK. He hath churned more butter out from his anus in a single fortnight than most Menenites can hope to in a lifetime. He hath also dug up some succulent grubs from the hoary root system of the NOTC TREAT TREE, and deposited them here, in the Rumor Mill for all to see. This week, the OOK OOK / GAMMA JAM conglomerate has discovered a little more about the NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET DVD BOXED SET:

The set should debut on September 7, and will feature all seven Nightmare discs, and an addition disc with further supplements. Though there was some speculation it would be on DVD-18's, this will strictly be a big cool box o' discs. Note that aside from the first Nightmare, none of the films will be available separately. However, as is not all that uncommon, I wouldn't be surprised to see the individual films on the racks sometime later in 2000 (after Christmas, of course.)

Though there will be some retrospective supplements on the whole series, the main extras will focus on the first film, including deleted scenes, trailers for all the films, commentary tracks and some cool animated menus. No set price as of yet, so stay tuned.




KILLING MRS. TINGLE

May 6th, 1999


Ever hear of it? No? Ever hear of floss, bitch? Well, you need it. but as for MRS. TINGLE, it's the latest teen-horror flick to rocket out of industry superslut Kevin Williamson's scrabbly ass. It's one of these noxious "horror comedies" a la IDLE HANDS that will most likely feature too much OFFSPRING on the fucking soundtrack... and star N SYNC or the BACKSTREET BOYS or some shit like that. Anyway- as you can tell, we're not exactly psyched up for the movie's debut this summer... but what we were all very interested is this: seeing as how the film explores a group of high school students to kidnap and murder one of their teachers- it's come under instant assault from the media and other public interest groups in the wake of the deadly Columbine Schoolhouse Rock 'n' Roll Massacre. As a result, the movie will be postponed until August 20th, 1999.... and it's name will be changed to TEACHING MRS. TINGLE in order to keep flagrant offenses to a minimum. Too bad they didn't listen to NOTC's proposed title change: "FUCKING MRS. TINGLE IN THE ASS WITH A HORSESHOE CRAB". Oh well.... I believe I can fly.


CANDYMAM (O-GRAM)

May 6th, 1999


For a long time, rumors about a third installment of the CANDYMAN series have been dodging turdbergs in the NOTC Moo Goo Shit Pit. We were pretty stoked about this neo shitfest dawning on VHS, but then we discovered MR. PAUL's Red Shoe Diary video archive... and well, all came down with a mysterious "after hours" strain of carpel tonal syndrome. However, now that the screaming reefer madness has subsided, we're STILL hearing about this CANDYMAN III garbage. It turns out that FANGORIA magazine has the low-down on this upcoming straight-to-video project titled, CANDYMAN III: DAWN OF THE DEAD. Yes, yes.... we all said "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!" just like you just did.... but with a little more gusto and projection from the diaphragm. Apparently it's legit. How in the fuck they circumnavigated the copyright laws that no doubt encircle George Romero's old zombie classic like a ring of wart's around a old nun's sphincter is beyond us. Just keep a look out for this flick sometime this year: apparently it's just around the corner!


LEPRECHAUN IN THE HOOD

May 4th, 1999


Of all the angry, drunken dwarves to grace the silver screen... none have touched our hearts (and our privates) quite like WARWICK DAVIS. Ewok. Willow. Leprechaun. They all have special places in our memories. And now, the Albanian micro machine is back in LEPRECHAUN 5: LEPRECHAUN IN THE HOOD. This is no joke, dammit. Confirmation comes from the mouth of the midget himself. And as for the Leprechaun's co-star? Why, none other than gangster rapper ICE T! Looks like your luck just ran out, bitch: LEPRECHAUN 5 will magically appear on video store shelves sometime by the end of the year.




DOC OCK WOULD LIKE TO SHANK




ATTENTION CITIZENS OF EARTH:

Although we take measures to ensure the stories we post here on NotC are as accurate as possible, it is important that you understand the movie business (the horror film business, in particular) is unpredictable as hell- and what may apparently be set in stone one day may completely fall through the next. So don't blame us if you tell all your friends something you read on the NotC Rumor Mill and they laugh at you because it isn't exactly true. Night of the Creeps or its Staff Memebers can not be held accountable for your ass if it gets kicked as a result of Doctor Octagon's Rumor Mill Page. In addition, aforementioned Staff Members can not be held accountable for the Olympic Park Bombing, leaving the toilet seat up, or leaving the cake out in the rain. Night of the Creeps is, in no way, associated with the Artist Formerly Known as Prince or Rodan. We are, however, associated with Mecha-King Ghidorah and we reserve the exclusive right to open up a can of mecha-whoop ass on you if you don't get on the phone right now and call your mama. Power to the Nation and the Booty Space Station. All rights reserved. Patent Pending.