Fred Krueger: Dream Weaver

...A Tribute By Eagle Te...

Bon Appetite, BITCH! Welcome to prime time, BITCH! Come and get him, BITCH! Yes, no one says the word bitch like Freddy Krueger, the child killer stalker of a generation's dreams and nightmares throughout the 1980s and our lastest (and long overdue) inductee into the NOTC Hall of Fame! Along with the classic Halloween and Friday the 13th series, the seven films of the Nightmare on Elm Street series formed the third pillar in the trifecta of sequal saturated horror plotlines that bombarded the 1980s, that oh so perfect decade of Ronald Reagan Te, Boo Berry cereal, and kick ass horror flicks starring Jason, Micheal Myers, and, of course, Freddy! More so than anyone else, Freddy was the definitive character in horror to come out of the 80s, inspiring rap songs, video games, and some kick ass sleeping bags that yours truly had the pleasure to spend more than a few nights in! What made Freddy so endearing as a horror character was his ability to weave artistic one liners...ok, that's overdoing it a little bit. The fact is that his one liners were often panful and lame as hell but that is what made him so much fun! There is no greater joy than to look back over the entire series like I did recently (with my cheap ass Freddy Glove that I won from the Halloween carnival in 5th grade forprotection...yeah, Z-man laughed at the plastic claws but not after I poked his eye out with it!) and watch as Freddy adapted his one liners and kills to the changing social climate that he operated in. Need proof? Look no further than Nightmare 3 where Freddy addresses the rising drug problem of the 1980s by transforming his claws into syringes and jabbing them into the arms of one of his drug addicted teenage victims or in Nightmare 6 in one of the most painfully dated scenes in movie history where Freddy dispatches one video game obseessed victim by proceeding to warp his ass into a vidoe game world where Freddy controls his every action with a custon Freddy Power Glove...Still a painful classic that never fails to leave me rolling on the floor!

Most any fan of horror films knows the plotline around which the series resolves. If not, then here's a quick rehash. Freddy Krueger was a serial killer who murdered many neighborhood children before he was apprehended by the police. The parents of the murdured children are betrayed, however, when Freddy is realeased on a technicality and decide to take matters into their own hands and administer a little vigilante justice (hell, yeah!) to that ass by burning him to death! The horror is not over, however, as Freddy returns for revenge as a dreamstalker who is haunting the children of his killers and murdering them in their dreams. The series starts with this concept and goes through various forms of evolution as others are pulled into Freddy's web throughout the seven films that constitute the series. Now I know many of you might be wondering, what is so special about this series that it warrants a Hall of Fame entry. Well, first of all, fuck you for asking such a stupid and ignorant question and second of all, step back as Professor Te dictates a little knowldege to your gooney ass. Along with Jason and Micheal Myers, Freddy and his films are the foundation on which the modern formula for the bad horror movie is based. All the elements are there. A damn near invincible killer, sweet one liners to make those cheeks blush before they bite the big one, cheap and embarassing references to contemporary culture, and, most important, TEENAGERS as the victims. Sensing a trend? Thats right, teens, with all their pretentious drama and bullshit, all their hedonistic fornication and binge drinking, are quite simply the funniest victim base possible and it was this series along with it's two brother series (Friday the 13th and Halloween) that established this fact once and for all! After all, who would look better having their arms broken in half by Freddy spotting them while weightlifting, their head shoved into a television screen, and a giant Q-Tip shoved through their ear than a group of idiot high school teens! Another important element present in these films that solidifies the Nightmare on Elm Street series as a legitimate Hall of Fame entry is the utter lack of shame present in these movies for cheesy one liners and ridiculous kills. This is element seems to me to be the most important as it is this ability to not take yourself seriously that makes horror movies fun and what this web page is all about! There can be no denying the role that Nighmare on elm street played in establishing this characteristic in horror films as what other series can you name that has a sequel titled Dream Warriors where the victims ban together and form pathetic D&D powers to combat their tormentor or has the killer off some kid with a fucking power glove for God's sake! If you ain't gotten the drift by now, then here's a shout out: The 90s ain't done shit for horror that wasn't established first and with a hell of alot more style than these three cornerstone hall of fame series that originated in the late 70s and 80s. Te say bow down and show some respect BITCH!

The Individual Films Themselves

"If Nancy Doesn't Wake Up Screaming.... She Won't Wake Up At All."

Released: 1984
Runtime: 92 minutes
Directed By: Wes Craven
Starring: John Saxon, Heather Langenkamp, Robert Englund
Body Count: 4

The original in this groundbreaking series and a genuinely scary movie to boot! A classic that damn near has it all: John Saxon (Ropper from Enter the Dragon!) as Nancy's father, Johnny Depp getting sucked into his waterbed and exploding in a bloody deluge (ahhhh, yeah!), classic one liners from Freddy as he runs the gauntlet of Nancy's booby trapped laced house, and tongues shooting out of phones to reach out and touch someone! That equal four and a half in the Book of Te!

"He's Back, But He's Not Happy."

Released: 1985
Runtime: 87 minutes
Directed By: Jack Sholder
Starring: Mark Patton, Kim Myers, Robert Englund
Body Count: 6 (+2 parakeets)

Surprisingly slow but a classic nonetheless if only for the hilarious 80s laced setting! Some of the more amusing moments include the bus ride to oblivion, the barbecue slaughter, and the killing of the gay, sadomasochist gym coach! And one note: Te loves to see a variety of balls bounce off people's head (especially your girlfriends!) and the two scenes where the baseball bounces of Jesse's head and the gym coach is hit in the head with a flying basketball from beyond! Check it out, this scene by itself is worthy of five stars!

"If You Think You'll Get Out Alive... You Must Be Dreaming."

Released: 1987
Runtime: 96 minutes
Directed By: Chuck Russell
Starring: Heather Langenkamp, Patricia Arquettte, Lawrence Fishburne, Robert Englund
Body Count: 7

It's a high rating I know, but this is easily the funniest in the entire series! Nothing but countless hilarious scenes, this ranks as my all time favorite in the series! You simply must check out the scene where Freddy morphs into the TV and says "Welcome to primetime, BITCH!" before shoving here head through the screen! Other scenes that have to be seen to be believed are the scene where that nurse takes off her dress to reveal the world 's most perfect titties (it made Te cry tears of joy), the animatronic skeleton kicking the shit out of John Saxon, and the last thirty minutes of the movie where the teens assume D&D like powers to battle Freddy! A classic that must be experienced by all!

"Terror Beyond Your Wildest Dreams"

Released: 1988
Runtime: 99 minutes
Directed By: Renny Harlin
Starring: Lisa Wilcox, Rodney Eastman, Robert Englund, London Englund
Body Count: 6

Easily one of the better in the series, the beginning will have you shedding a tear as the surviving Dream Warriors are eliminated one by one in far to similar a fashion to Col. MAtrix's team in the beginning of Commando to leave a dry eye in the place! Some beautiful scenes includes the kiss of death on Alice's black friend, the killer workout of her other health obsesses friend and the cool ass pew top kung fu match between Freddy and Alice at the end! This is the one where Freddy is brought back to life by a dog pissing fire and that alone warrants a rental in my book!

"Freddy Delivers!"

Released: 1990
Runtime: 90 minutes
Directed By: Stephen Hopkins
Starring: Lisa Wilcox, Kelly Winter, Robert Englund
Body Count: 3

Barely warrants a three and is pretty slow, but there are a couple of scenes that make it worth while, including the "Bon Appetite, Bitch" scene, and the A-Ha style comic book battle between Freddy and Mark! This one delves more deeply into Freddy's origin and is of marginal interest for this reason alone.

"They Saved The Best For Last"

Released: 1991
Runtime: 96 minutes
Directed By: Rachael Talalay
Starring: Lisa Zane, Shon Greenblatt, Yaphet Kotto, Robert Englund
Body Count: 3

Yeah, it's titled Freddy's Dead and after sitting through this one you just might be happy that he is! Very few redeeming qualities are present in what is frankly a boring flick! Freddy continues the downward decline started in the 5th one as Freddy throughout this one lacks any menace and comes off as ridiculous and not in a good way! The only scenes worht a shit are the power glove scene and the giant Q-tip in the ear scene followed by the kid's head exploding from a barrage of sound waves courtesy of Freddy running his claws across a balckboard. Only the presence of Yaphet Kotto make this one even remotely tolerable but make no mistake...this one REALLY SUCKS!

"This Time, Staying Awake Won't Help You"

Released: 1994
Runtime: 117 minutes
Directed By: Wes Craven
Starring: Heather Langenkamp, Miko Hughes, Robert Englund
Body Count: 4

The final Freddy film and thank God as the character reaches new lows as this hyped movies proved to be the most disappointing of all! Set in the same is it a movie or isn't it motiff popularized by Scream, this movie is extremely slow and quite frankly shitty as Freddy just sucks in this one! The classic tongue shooting out of the phone scene is the only one that saves this one as the kid and all of the hokey tension building betray the series like never before! A pity that it all had to end like this...


Freddy is a popular guy. He has more friends than you do. He gets more pussy than you do. And guess what? The fucker has more web pages devoted to his legacy than you do. So why don't you take a look at a couple web sites out there that put our crooked honky-tonk asses to shame?

God bless the gut-hungry death hogs over at the Coroner's Office, cuz they took the time to catalog every single death perpetrated my Comrade Krueger! The victims' names, film appearances, and mode of death are all posted for your sadistic amusement... so wallow in your own moral decay, yo!

Courtesy of our main man in Amsterdam and Kubla King Kong Turntablist, the Umpteenth Doctor, this page has got an impressive collection of Freddy related shit. Pics, classic sound bytes, poster images (both mainstream and alternate styles!), and even some cool ass mutating images. Hell, we thought so highly of them that we stole half the shit you see here from his dope page. Go check it out!