Mr. Paul just recently returned from a
five year pilgrimedge to a small spot on the Yellow River. There
he studied with Lung-Tse, a master in the arts of Karate and
Kung-Fu. During his stay Master Tse died at the
ripe old age of 182. His final words were: "Here's the quarter I owe your mama
for last night." At that point in his life Master Tse was
far from dead, but Mr. Paul quickly remedied that. Using the
knowledge of Kung-Fu he had gained he grabbed a nearby hammer and
smashed Master Tse's knee in to bite-sized gopher bits, which
dropped him to the ground; ancient chinese proverb say: If you can't
stand, you can't fight... ain't it the truth. Mr Paul proceeded to beat
Master Tse down with the hammer until he looked
like something out the kitchen of a Spring House Bar-B-Q. He took what little money and food he could find as
well as the
hammer and was homeward bound.
While he traveled home his mind was clouded with how he had wasted the last five years of his life. Since he wasn't thinking right he veered off course a bit and stumbled into a town built with an old-west motif. Little did he know it was... Zombie Town. In no time he found himself face to face with over one hundred angry, hungary, cowboy Zombies, with nothing but his whit, kung-fu savy, and a rusty claw hammer to save him.
The first zombie he encountered was non other than, Zombie Tuco. Knowing the living Tuco always packed a six-shooter, Mr. Paul was certain that Zombie Tuco would do the same. Zombie Tuco whipped out his six-shooter (as fast as a zombie can) and took a shot at Mr. Paul. Luckily for him, his hunch was right, and he dropped to the ground and slug his claw hammer in Zombie Tuco's direction. From the time Mr. Paul had left the banks of the Yellow River he had been sharpening the claw of said claw hammer, and it was now that his hard work paid off. The hammer slashed through the neck of Zombie Tuco, severing his head from his torso... Zombie Tuco had been defeated.
In the hours that followed more blood was filled than would fit in the expanse we call the Pacific Ocean. Mr. Paul emerged on top with hammer in hand, and Zombie Tuco's hat on his head. We still see him wearing it to this day.
Events like the Zombie Town Massacre and The Zombie Attack on Carmike Cinemas in 1992 have plagued Mr. Paul's life, but he's a stronger person for it. He finds himself watching horror and zombie movies nowadays not for educational purposes like most, but more because they have a somewhat comical edge, like Vietnam buddies telling old war stories. He doesn't need to learn about it... he lived it.