It's Alive III: Island of the Alive
Rated: R
Run Time: Too Damn Long
Production Company: Warner Home Video
Director: Larry Cohen
Starring: Michael Moriarty, Karen Black, and James Dixon as Lt. Perkins
T & A: Hell No
Pimps: Up
Hos: Down

"What's That Nipping At Your Heels? Don't Look, Get An Axe... IT'S ALIVE!!!"

Once in a long while there comes a film that moves you, that touches you so deeply you can't help but have a tear come to your eye. Well brothers and sisters... this is not that film. I'd love to tell you cats that the 3rd (yes 3rd) installment in the It's Alive series is a masterpiece of violence, gore, beauty, and cinematography... I can not. This flick just wasn't that good. Here's the idea: all across the nation mutant babies are being born and the mutant babies are trying to kill mothers, fathers, and cab drivers. The government's response: ship them to a remote desert island where big game hunters go for new sport. I know what you're thinking... but don't get fooled by that like we did. Ten minutes into it Eagle Te was so dismayed he turned to Hustler magazine for help. The only redeeming factor to this movie (which wasn't really one) was the shooting... hell the mere idea of mutant babies... which was only enhanced by the baby-matronics. We couldn't remember who was respnsible for picking this one out (I think it was El Santo) but when we determine who it is... he's going to pay.

-Mr. Paul

Our Rating System

Mr. Paul: "The best part of this one is when I left to take a shit and found a muffin on the counter."

Z-man: "We consulted the Bozoputer, and the fun factor of IT's ALIVE 3 lies somewhere between being kicked down the steps and having the manure squeezed out of you by sasquatch."

El Santo: "This movie is nothing more than crap... and that's the bottom line 'cause El Santo said so!"

Eagle Te: "Pretty shitty, yet had a strange appeal to it...kind of like Bea Arthur."

Brother Phil: "The idea of poaching mutated monster babies is very cool, but the melodrama can kiss my ass."