Black Roses
Year: 1988
Rated: R
Run Time: 90 minutes
Production Company: Corrugated Box Productions
Director: John Fasano (Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare, The Jitters)
Starring: Carmine Appice, John Martin, Carla Ferrigno
T & A: Hell Yes
I Feel Like: Chicken Tonight

"The Special Effects Are Incredible!"

Welcome to middle town America. Where the adults are self-righteous Bible beaters, and the kids just want to rock! So when the ultra popular, mega talented, super rock group BLACK ROSES is planning a concert, naturally the parents are trying to stop it and the kids are screaming for blood. Through trickery and deciet BLACK ROSES convinces the oppressive adults that they're nice clean cut rockers that sing ballets that would make NELSON proud. However, as soon as the lights go down BLACK ROSES come on stage wearing dead skin masks and preaching from the demonic gospel of Rock 3:16. Their hypnotic rock 'n' roll is brainwashing the children and has the ability to warp speakers and half giant bugs crawl out which feed on the their parents. Turns out, BLACK ROSES is really a group of demons that travel the countryside feeding off the souls of the children guided by the spirit of rock 'n' roll. What a bunch of bastards!

You'd think the box would say it all: A raised box cover, demon rock band, the eighties! The box tells you everything... Everything except: it sucks fat walrus dick. I've seen nuns that were more demonic than this shitty glam-rock dung heap. Don't get me wrong... I'll rock to some of POISON's "Unskinny Bop" or a bit of TWISTED SISTER's "Destroyer" any day of the week, but when it comes to BLACK ROSES' special brand of short-bus retard rock, I'd sooner grab some K.M.F.D.M. and shoot a liquor store clerk and get "18 and life".

-Mr. Paul

Our Rating System

Mr. Paul: "Looks like our streak of pretty good flicks has been broken by this shit fest. If you want some hardcore eighties rock, find TRICK OR TREAT. BLACK ROSES doesn't even deserve to pick the peanuts out of its shit."

Z-man:"About as much fun as having that one armed drummer from DEF LEPPARD drop a bowling ball on your nutsack. As a matter of fact, the only thing truly frightening about BLACK ROSES (besides that big ass hair) is the fact that music like this was once considered hardcore by Shaolin Temple and therefore banned."

Eagle Te: "Ok, maybe it does suck, but any movie with an eighties hair band that dresses up in monster masks and turns the youth of America into violent sociopaths that will kill for a couple of Oreos (and who wouldn't?) gets two fucking stars in my book!!!!"