Blue Monkey
Green Monkey
INSECT!

Year: 1987
Rated: R
Run Time: 92 minutes
Production Company: Nurse Eat Nurse Re-productions
Director: William Fruet (Killer Party, Spasms, Death Weekend)
Starring: Susan Anspach, Robin Duke, Steve Railsback
T & A: Hell No
Preparation: H



"It Isn't Blue! It Isn't Green! And It Damn Sure Ain't No Monkey... But Better Watch Out, Or It's Your Ass On A Slab!"


All hell breaks loose in Metro Hospital when an elderly gentleman suspected of falling victim to a heart attack turns out to be impregnated with the larval stage of a ferocious mutant insect! The hideous turd-like larva creeps its way up the victim's digestive tract and out of his mouth during surgery where it is promptly quarantined by baffled medical personnel. Heh. But leave it to those meddling kids in the Cancer Ward to fuck things up for everyone. On one of their midnight forays into the hospital's many off-limits chambers, a group of disabled kids stumble across the loathsome parasite and 'accidentally' set it loose in the hospital. The revolting little shitbeast manages to hide long enough to mature into a 6 foot tall walking nightmare of pincers, stingers, and spiked probing thingies that suck out the calcium in your bones. Ugh. Once fully grown, the insect-like mutant stalks the sick rooms and burn unit of the sprawling hospital, taking in vital nutrients and juices from its handicapped victims in an effort to reproduce itself. However, Detective Jim Bishop apparently has a nose for ravenous mutant insects and gets the hunch that something is mighty fucked up at Metro Hospital.... even before the United States Army sets up a perimeter of death around the hospital. So armed with his wits, the voluptuous (?) Dr. Judith Glass, and some kind of prototype laser weapon he found in the janitor's closet, the intrepid investigator wages an all out war against the vicious insect scourge. Will anyone survive this night of frenzied bloodletting? Who will kill those annoying little bastards in the Children's Ward first? The vicious monster insecticon...or a pissed off Detective Jim? And how in the fuck did that prototype laser weapon get in that closet, anyway?


Yes... BLUE MONKEY poses these (and many other) thought-provoking questions to its audience.


Damn right this movie raises some questions... like: WHERE THE HELL IS THAT BLUE MONKEY AT? Now I'm not exactly Marlin Perkins, but I think I can identify a chimp or an orangutan when I see one: especially in a damn hospital. Hell, a drunken dwarf can identify one of those baboons with the big puffy asses at 200 meters in a hailstorm. BLUE MONKEY has a lot of strange things in it: but monkeys are definitely not on the inventory.

  • Turd-Like Mutant Parasites: check.
  • Prototype Laser Weapons: check.
  • Giant Insect That Uses Karate to Disrupt Enemies: check.
  • Monkeys: not a damn one.

  • Oh well... it never stopped the crew from releasing it as BLUE MONKEY in the States... or even as GREEN MONKEY in its native Canada. Now what the hell was THAT all about? Apparently Canadians don't dig on the color blue all of a sudden? Shit. I imagine a couple of well placed U.S. airstrikes on Saskatchewan would bring them to total submission and they'd call it CHARTREUSE MONKEY before the day was over. Damn Canadians. Anyway, in an effort to put an end to the obvious confusion that this movie's title was spawning- the video production house that was in charge of marketing this piece of ass foof changed the title A THIRD time: this time to "INSECT!". In my humble opinion, this was a vast improvement upon the LSD-influenced earlier titles... but by the time this clunker came out on video: no one gave a damn anyway. They were all busy watching "STOP OR MY MOM WILL SHOOT!" or some shit like that.


    Anyway- about the movie itself: it's really not all that bad when you take it into account. The effects of the slug crawling out of the fat man's mouth is genuinely NASTY and deserves to be applauded. It practically made me gag. Of course, the acting did the same thing. The little Cancer Ward Kids gang sucked a fat dick. They got annoying pretty damn quick- and the monster itself (THE BLUE MONKEY?) never did manage to impale the little fuckers. However, the one fact that made the film bearable was the fact that the insect beast itself was largely played by a guy in an insect suit when it wasn't simply a big puppet attached to a rolling dolly. The insect-man character displayed remarkable agility and combat savy during the chaotic final battle 'n' chase scene of the movie: often utilizing a deadly arsenal of karate moves and acrobatic flips and tumbles. It really tripped our asses out, and should definitely do the same to yours if you are sad enough to watch this bitch all the way through. All in all, BLUE MONKEY is a passable bad movie for any decent crew of derranged viewers. Falling in the category of "so awful it's cool" (but just barely), BLUE MONKEY can be pretty entertaining... just don't forget to bring the ether.


    -Z MAN

    Our Rating System


    Mr. Paul: "Nurses getting chased by giant ant-like creature... sounds good, but really isn't."


    Z-man: "BLUE MONKEY does have some genuinely funny shit in it: the kung fu ant, the mutant turd parasite, handicapped people getting shot by the army, and the exploding shock paddle man... but rest assured that some of the 'story line' can be pretty excruciating to sit through. BLUE MONKEY can really go either way depending upon the make-up of your audience, so you might want a back up movie just to be sure!"


    Eagle Te: "This movie sounds a hell of a lot better than it really is. The mutated turd regurgitation at the beginning was genuinely gross and made Eagle Te question all his master had taught him. If the kids had recieved more punishment, it would be rated higher, but as it stands now its only marginally worth the effort!"


    Ookla The Mok: "I'm comfortable watching a movie called Blue Monkey which has nothing important blue nor monkeys, but not with watching those little bastard children survive this film. But humongous Ant-Man made me happy all around."