The Rage: Carrie 2

Year: 1999
Rated: R
Run Time: 90+ minutes
Production Company: United Artists
Director:Robert Mandel, Katt Shea
Starring:Amy Irving, Emily Bergl, Jason London
T & A: Hell No
Hey Yo Fat Girl: Come Here, Are You Ticklish?

"Hit the Dawg"

I knew going into this flick what was in store. An hour and ten minutes of boring shit, and then 20 minutes of telekenisis fun the likes of which have not been seen since Friday the 13th VII when that bitch fucked Jason up hard core. But what I wasn't expecting was to see the trailer for the Mob Squad twice right before hand. Ouch.

So here's the lowdown Ookla plot summary. 20 years ago Carrie White fucked shit up with her mind. Well it just so happens her father: A) Carries the recesive gene for Telekenisis and B) Was a playa. So he knocked up this bitch, I don't know her name so we'll call her Psycho-Hose-Beast. So anyway, a girl comes out of the special place and then P-H-B goes crazy and the girl (Rachel) goes to live with a foster family and with this stupid ass Basset hound of hers. Flash foward to Bayside high where the football players are fucking the ho's for points in the little black book, way to go jocks. So blah blah blah, Rachel's skank friend gets ridden hard and put up wet and just can't take it anymore so jumps off the roof of the school where only the garden club can go. Boo hoo. Add that and the fact that Jason London tags her and they play the video at the way-coolest party ever, and that was the dick that broke the camel's back.

Thus the fun begins. And what fun it was. I haven't seen such carnage in a long time. And it looks great. Needless to say, Rachel really kicks ass. From torching the place, to doing the classic shish-ka-bob, and the CD's of death, she is not only pissed, but has a creative side. And I must warn you, not only are people killed, but one dude loses his bits and pieces. I think that is wrong, kill me, but don't remove my re-productive organs.

Overall opinions were mixed, but I think that the ending is so goddamn good it warrants the slow ass begining. Hell after that begining she could have just thrown a book or something at them and it would have seen brutal. So when the high power ending comes around, its fucking AWESOME.

-Ookla D. Mok

Our Rating System

Mr. Paul: "In the normal world of Algebra and Pudding Pops three times three equals nine (3 x 3 = 9). However, in the world of Carrie 2, three times three equals dick and that's no fun for anyone... except when said dick gets torn from Home Improvement's body with a spear gun. That made my mama proud."

Z-Man: "Sure, the telekinetic ass jam at the end of the flick is fucking awesome, but after an hour and ten minutes of Sweet Valley High School Shit Parade... it had better be. The last bit of the flick is full of some excellent kills and exploding speargun dick beef, but to say that it's worth eight fuckin' dollars to see is a bit of a stretch. My recommendation: sneak in for the last 20 minutes and then beat off during THE OTHER SISTER."

Eagle Te: "For those that saw the first expect more of the same except with a Party of Five cast. Like the first, 3/4 of the movie is spent lamenting the cruelty of high school social strata while the last 1/4 employs vengeful, telekinetic carnage sure to rock your ass harder than a hurricane. Unlike the first one, teenagers bite it from flying CDs of death and get their meat shish kabobed with a spear gun..."I think he got the point."

General Zod: "The sadistic orgy of death at the end was more creative and entertaining than I expected, but it was too short, and I'm sick of these new teen flicks trying to keep hip to the 'in' crowds with their up-to-date pop-culture references: 'Uh. . uh. . you listen to Garbage?' 'Uh. . uh. . you fantasize about Steve Gootenburg?' Shut the fuck up!"

Ookla A La Modok: "I am the lone warrior of NOTC that actually sees this film's goodness. It is strategically slow in the begining and that makes the blood taste oh so much sweeter."

Want the official scoop?
Well sucka, why not go visit the OFFICIAL DAWG WEBSITE ?
It's got pictures, bios, and a huge dawg that needs to be hit.