The Dentist
Rated: R
Run Time: 90 minutes
Production Company: Trimark Pictures / Vidmark Entertainment
Director: Brian Yuzna (Dentist 2, Zen: The Intergalactic Ninja, Bride of Re-Animator)
Starring: Corbin Bernson (L.A. LAW), Ken Foree (Goddamn!), Linda Hoffman, Molly Hagan
T & A: Hell No
Italian Test: C-

"Did You Floss? Then That's Your Ass, Bitch!"

Do you hate the dentist? Sure, we all do. He acts all "holier than thou" while he's scraping your teeth with implements of destruction you'd only wish on your worst enemy. His office is clean, it smells funny, and he's always bitching about how you don't floss enough. I, personally, dread that visit every six months. I hate the dentist. You hate the dentist... well guess what. The dentist hates you too, bitch! You're so fucking lazy that you can only brush once or twice a day. You eat all sorts of candy and sweets so your teeth are rotting away. Shit, your punk ass doesn't even floss. Shit, the dentist has seen monkeys with better dental hygene than your goofy ass. But all of that is going to change...

Dr. Finestone is an up-tight, perfectionist, yuppie, satan-worshiping dentist. He's a bit obsessive and on-edge as it is, but when he finds his wife sucking Hector the pool boy's greasy dick, he snaps. Armed with a pussy-ass, pearl handled .22, Dr. F (for Fuck) follows Hector, the wonder fuck, to his next stop with the intention of popping a cap in his ass. Unfortunately, despite the fine Portuguese craftmanship, his Audi Quattro just can't keep up with Hector's utility truck, and he arrives just in time to see Hector go in the house with his new slut- Who turns out to be a good friend of Dr. Finestone's wife, who also has a taste for Mexican dick. Realizing that he will never be able to tame the wild beast that is Hector's dick, Dr. Finestone decides to head to the office to let out his frustrations on small children that don't floss. What ensues is a hideous display of everyone's worst dental nightmares: A small kid while on his first visit to the dentist gets his gums impaled by the scraper; A young starlet gets fucked while under the gas; and a middle aged woman has her teeth drilled down to a nub. Anything less than perfection is not acceptable.

Corbin Bernson was incredible as the psychopathic, obsessive dentist. That can not be denied. He starts calling his wife a worthless whore because she didn't pick up the dry-cleaning. Some people would call him an insensitive jerk... but he just using tough love. The same applies to his patients. Tatar is a very destructive element to your teeth. It can get into your come and cause Gengevitis, which can ultimately lead to death (at least that's the consensus here at NOTC). If he doesn't convince them to brush they could die. So he conditions people to fear him, and to fear the equipment by making them bleed a bit. Like Confucius said: "The best way to manipulate people is through fear." He only hurts them because he loves them.

This is some impressive shit! There aren't really kills so much as maims. Graphic displays of people getting gums bleeding, teeth being pulled, and titties swaying back and forth. Due to the graphic nature of this film, you cringe with delight the whole time. But it doesn't stop there. There is also a poignant statement about the evils and corruption of the I.R.S. The dentist let's you know that bribery doesn't pay, and there is no such thing as a "victimless crime". The dentist is a hero for the ninties. Someone the confused children of today can look up to and admire. This character is such a great role model he will be in a sequel due out later this year. Viva la dentista!

-Mr. Paul

Our Rating System

Mr. Paul:"Fighting for freedom where ever there is injustice, the dentist is there. He's the powerful force that watches over you while you sleep and are under the gas. He's the one of the few, the proud, the dentists!"

Z-Man:"Although this here hooter is pretty slow moving as far as slasher flicks are concerned... the absolutely punishing scenes of dental demolition will make your fucking skin crawl. With enough tongues getting gouged with electric drills, jaws cracked, cocaine pool boy ginsu choppin, and graphic tooth yanking fetishes to make you spooge in your spit cup... not even CREST can save you from THE DENTIST! WE MAKE HOLES IN TEETH! WE MAKE HOLES IN TEETH!"

Eagle Te:"Excruciating dental torture scenes make this one a definite to watch with younger siblings before their first visit to the dentist's office! The 14 year old girl with the slutty clothing gets my vote for MVP and as soon as she hits 18 she can ride in my H.I.S.S. Tank anytime."

El Santo:"This movie gave my sad life purpose, instead of geting my GED and spanking monkeys for a living, I'm moving to Cali and I'm going to Fuck Rich White Women while their Husbands are at work under the pretext of being a Pool Boy! Thank You Dentist! Oh yeah, This movie had nice titty and some painful moments!"