Hell Night

Year: 1981
Rated: R
Run Time: 101 minutes
Production Company: Aquarius / Compass International Pictures
Director: Tom de Simone (Reform School Girls, The Concrete Jungle)
Starring: Linda Blair, Vincent van Patten, Peter Barton, Kevin Brophy
T & A: Hell No
Fancy: Pants

"Pray For Day!"

Ahhhh, yes, HELL NIGHT. There was serious doubt as to whether or not we should rent this one. And who could blame us here at Night of the Creeps for being at least a little hesitant, I mean considering the number of times we have been woefully burned by similar films with a sorority plot line. They always sound so cool...fresh, young, unspoiled yet strangely soiled maidens running from deranged killers with a variety of power tools while their bras are inevitbly cut off, freeing their supple POUTING BREASTS SMEARED WITH HONEY AND OTHER TASTY CONDIMENTS AND THEY ALL WANT TE TO GIVE IT TO THEM, YES, EVERY ONE OF THEM YEARN TO FEEL THE STING OF EAGLE TE'S CLITORIS HEAD BUTT!!!!!! AIIIEEEEE!!!! Whew...Eagle Te must apologize for his all too obvious need to be cuddled and held by a large breasted maiden schooled in the ancient Shaolin arts of genital manipulation, but the point remains the same...a sorority or frat house being assaulted by a deranged killer should be shoo in for at least a three star rating as it is the perfect setting for bad movie horror mayhem!! All to often this is not the case, however. All too often it gets fucked up and fucked up bad. Just look at Killer Party or House on Sorority Row for two classic examples of wasted sorority titty. I was beginning to believe that the only sorority based films that ever lived up to their promise involved titles like 'Lesbian Sorority Sisters Part Two' and had inpenatrable mounds of writhing oiled naked female flesh sliding out of control down a Slip N Slide greased with baby oil toward a kiddie pool at the end with Eagle Te in his Shaolin Speedos and a Pina Colada in his hand, awaiting the coming impact from 12 intertwined sorority sisters on the thresholds of g-spot ecstacy...HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! Well, damn it, those days seem to finally be over because I'm pleased to report that we have finally found a film that not only lives up to its awesome premise, but gives you plenty to laugh at as well!!!

Here's a brief plot summary to let you know whats up: A group of young sorority and frat pledges are forced to spend the night in a fenced in house (where a half retarded son brutally butchered his family and supposedly offed himself) as part of their initiation. Yes, its simple and to the point but damn it, this movie kicked some serious ass!!!!! The drunken costume party at the beginning let us know we in for at least some marginal entertainment, but by the first kill we knew we had a winner!! First of all, this house is like some damn mansion out of Scooby Doo...this place has everything, secret passages, underground lair, Shining style maze garden, iron gate with razor sharp spikes, and an unhappy resident who doesn't appreciate his home being used by horny college students for their foolish Greek pranks.

For Shame....... This killer is truly awesome as he sports some truly stylin' Hobbit style pants that make you question whether or not you would stand a chance trying to score with the babes in a techno dance club with this smoothie combing the floors. Thats right bitches...STAND DOWN FROM THE FUNK!!! The first kill with the decapitation has to be seen to be believed and other notables include the 360 degree head twist and the shotgun boogie blast!!! The Linda Blair dry hump the bed from terror scene is truly unbelievable and there is some major bounce on those titties from her inspired electric locomotion!!

But no review of this film would be complete without a salute to the MVP of this entire flick..Robin Hood!!! Does the Prince of Thieves make a special guest appearance in this film? Does Friar Tuck score some poontang from some sorority sluts? Alas, the answer is no...our Robin Hood is a mere frat boy named Seth who is easily the coolest character in the entire film!! When he gets his hands on the shotgun there is some serious ass kicking to be had as he turns the tables on the killer if only for a short while!!! This film is easily worth the price of rental and gets four stars for its hilarious feel and some rather entertaining kills!!! The end is awesome and had us rewinding it at least a few times!!! GO CHECK IT OUT!!!! Eagle Te approves!!!!!!


Our Rating System

Mr. Paul: "The early eighties picture quality added an unmistakeable ambiance to the film. And the directors use of lighting during the death sequences rivaled the genius of Renoir. Oh, the Solomon Grundy Zombie was pretty badass too."

Z-Man: "Easily the most fun we've had over here at NOTC since Aunt Jemimah took that rag off her head! A GREAT offering of classic old-school funk that caught all of us by suprise. Very similar to that Scooby Doo episode where Fred fistfucks Daphne with an NES powerglove upstairs in the master bedroom while Shag and Scoob get their fucking heads cut off by Kooky Space Kook. Definitely one to look for!"

Eagle Te: "This flick is awesome!!!! Robin Hood steals the show in this one and the Linda Blair Hump Scene is unbelievable (it's when the killer rises from the floor)!!! GO RENT IT NOW!!!!"

Ookla The Mok: "From the kickin' 80's opening song and frat party to the look on the monster's face at the very end, this movie is one element away from absolute greatness. That's right, it has an atomic wieght of 217 amu's and is in the same family as Argon, it's Titty, and there is none in this movie. If Princess Bouncy there would have given us a show, this one would have gone to Bad Movie Heaven, as it is it will be forced to linger in purgatory for a lifetime or two to pay for its sinful lack of titty. But that aside, this is what NOTC is looking for in a movie.

General Zod:"Don't try to save me. I'm already dead. I guess there's no room in this cruel world for a needy retarded child.--the last words of a dying gork. The kills in this movie are superb. General Zod's personal favorite was the Misty 360 Cranium Grab. HELL NIGHT is an excellent way to break one's cherry in bad movie festdom."