Hide and Go Shriek

Year: 1988
Rated: R
Run Time: 90 minutes
Production Company: New Star Entertainment
Director: Skip Schoolnik (best known for his editing work on 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer')
Starring: Bunky Jones, Brittain Frye, Annette Sinclair, Scott Kubay
T & A: Hell Yes
Man: Taur

"10 Seconds of Waiting, 10 Minutes of Looking, 10 Chances of Dying."

Graduation night... time for a homicide. Eight (8) high school students have just been freed from the hellish imprisonment of high school and it's time to party. And where better to party than in a local furniture store after hours. Unfortunately there's a crazed, cross-dressing killer loose in the store and he's got a bone to pick with them. So when the kids decide to play a game of hide and go fuck, the killer is provided with a perfect opportunity to fuck them up. And that's just what he does.

Sounds simple right... kids go to the furniture store, fuck, and get killed off one by one. Well you couldn't be more right. However, this film isn't your simple minded generic bull ride on a Thursday afternoon... this film frightens and intices you (or at least El Santo) on so many different levels at once you don't know whether to wipe the shit from your ass or the dribble from your cock. You'll be shocked and amazed (or at least entertained) for an hour and a half and after it's over your girlfriend won't be asking for more because she just got taken to the bridge.

Even though the idea of teenagers fucking in the furniture store isn't new (Chopping Mall did it in 1986) it's still a great plot line to run with. You've got beds laid out, so you know someone's going to fuck. You've got creepy maniquins... okay, I can't go anywhere with that, but they made a difference in this one. Not to mention a furniture rich environment always makes for a better fight scene because someone's bound to smash through a table or be tossed over the back of a sofa. There are a myriad of things to destroy and senseless violence and the unwarranted destruction of property are the elements of a film that make it stand out above the rest. Well... that and nudity, and there's more than enough in here to keep you from checking out those National Geographics with a flashlight under your sheets. Though not all the titty is award winning, there's a large variety to satisfy most everyonebody's tastes. And if tits aren't your bag... then you'd best learn to like them, because weren't not changing for you.

All of this type of shit is good, but the killer himself (herself?) takes the cake. This guy is a fucking freakshow if ever I've seen one. This cat is like Mimic or some shit. He'll kill you, take your clothes (no matter male or female) and then trick his next victim. It's some of the creepiest shit I've ever seen. There's an extended scene in the opening where he's pulling an Adam Ant and putting on all this make up. It was reminiscent of the "I'd fuck me" scene from Silence of the Lambs. Later he poses as one of the kids' girlfriends wearing her lingerie and fucks him up. However, nothing beats the confrontation he has with his ex-prison lover who just happens to be the new furniture store worker that lives in the basement. It's like a demented scene out of the Jerry Springer/Ricki Lake crossover episode: "You Were My Gay Crossdressing Transexual Prison Lover That I Cheated On My Cousin With but You Wouldn't Quit Your Sexy Job, So You Can Say It To The Hand, Go on Girl" Bizarre shit that will leave you thinking you need to wipe, but when you do, there's nothing there.

Bodies impaled, heads torn off, and titty, titty, titty! If those aren't the ingredients for a winner I don't know what is. However, don't watch this shit by yourself, it just won't be as fun. You have to have the Snack Caking eating, Tahiti Treat drinking, yell at the screen kind of crowd, or you'll find yourself feeling a little cheap and violated. Make a statement: British Knights!

-Mr. Paul

Our Rating System

Mr. Paul: "Nothing to lose your fluids over, but it has its moments. Watch out though, blood is slippery."

Z-man: "A totally radical collection of 80s victims who are forced to fuck against a backdrop of twisted travestite holocaust make this one a definite winner for large groups of viewers! Lone wolves beware... but HIDE & GO SHRIEK is shameless sexual exploitation at its finest hour! Tomahawk power!"

Eagle Te: "Rather slow at times but this is made up for by the last forty five minutes of the movie that have some genuinely funny scenes in them...especially the one that will remind you rather poigniantly of a similar scene in our favorite Dutch film, THE LIFT And make no mistake, the killer will genuinely creep you the fuck out...kind of like when I walked in on my grandmother shaving the old grey snapper!"

El Santo: "Hide & Go DEEEEEEK!"

General Zod: "A must see for the whole family. It will teach your kids about sex, alcohol, and smart furniture shopping. This movie is genuinely entertaining and props must be given (pun intended) to the director for his mannequin mise-en-scene. It's rare that you see a visual style in shitty horror movies that is refreshingly disturbing. Walk this way: Doo d-do do D-do do dee do."