Ice Cream Man
Rated: R
Run Time: 84 minutes
Production Company: A-Pix Entertainment, Inc.
Director: Norman Apstein (The Erotic Adventures of the Three Musketeers- WHOO!)
Starring: JoJo Adams, Zachary Benjamin, Lee Majors II, and Clint Howard as The Ice Cream Man
T & A: unconfirmed
Potato: Cake

"You'll Scream for His Cream!"

You can send your hate mail to A-pix Entertainment, Inc. for unleashing this bastard on the public. Keywords for this one are: Horror, Comedy, children, mental-illness, food. As a whole it sucked. It goes a little something like this.

Gregory sees the neighborhood Ice Cream Man get gunned down as a child. He is put into some crazy house that would make anybody go insane where he's tough to always be happy. Anyway, he gets released for some reason and takes up the profession of Mobile Frozen Dairy Retail. He pretty much is a psycho who kills people and puts them in Ice Cream. There are some high points in the movie, but the rest of the movie is lacking.

A couple of quotes to give you a feel for the film:

"He's like the Pied Piper, only evil."

"You little twerps have to realize you can't run from the Ice Cream Man."

"You're Ice cream!"

"That's what I call brain freeze."

There were also several amusing visual effects. At one point he attacks a guy with a waffle iron and makes his face a waffle. Another time he picks up a picture frame and holds it in front of his face to hide (something you'd expect from scooby doo). He held a puppet show with these two cops heads on ice cream scoopers. One of the cops was cool too. While in the mental hospital looking for clues or something, he just starts capping the patients for no real reason.

So, if you are disciplined enough to make yourself watch the crap, there's a couple of funny things to be had here.


Our Rating System

Mr. Paul: "A few good lines, and the unwarranted killing of mental patients may suck you in... but make no mistake: This movie is a piece of shit despite the fact that it stars Ron Howard's brother."

Ookla the Mok: " My first official pick turned out to be ass. But at least there was senseless killing of retards and a short puppet show with human heads."

Special Guest Reviewer GODEN: "THIS MOVIE SUCKS. No nudity. No Gore. Nothing. I scream, you scream, we all scream: THIS MOVIE IS SHIT!"

Merciful Buddha!