Jacko Lantern

Year: 1995
Rated: R
Run Time: 88 minutes
Production Company: American Independent Films
Director: Steve Latshaw
Starring: Linnea Quigley, Rebecca Wicks, Gary Doles
T & A: (unconfirmed) Hell Yes
This: Sucks

"It's Harvest Time."

Jack-O!!! Or shall I say Shit-tee! Let's face it folks, we've all had this happen, you get to the video store, your looking for some movies and you decide that based on the cover, the movie is going to kick ass, however when you get home you find out that it just SUCKS ASS!! Well my friends, we also fell prey to this trap. Jack-O is a bad example of what a Halloween Movie should be like!! What's wrong you ask, well just follow my time line of this movie:

11:30 p.m--Eagle Te flushes the toliet and we all sit down to begin movie number 2 for the night!

11:35 p.m--Z-man and myself, lobby for Jack as the next movie, we won, but little did we know, we had actually LOST!!

11:40 p.m--The movie starts, it has some sort of flashback, has potential, but the production already looks bad!

11:50 p.m--No killing yet!!!

12:00 a.m--As the next day begins, this move starts to give each of us a bad feeling, that awkward movie silence errupts, as we are all speechless. So far NO KILLING!

12:15 a.m--God Damnit, NO KILLING, Hell we haven't even seen Jack-O!!

12:17 a.m--Ahhhhh...We've seen Jack-O, and I was more impressed with "Pepe the man with no dick", then this load of crap.

12:25 a.m--Let me set the mood: Z-man is is eating a old piece of chicken, Mr. Paul is on the crapper, and me, I'm just wishing that I was dead!

12:35 a.m--Convinced that this movie sucks, we decided that we are going to fast forward through the entire movie until we get to a kill scene!

12:37 a.m--After two mintues of fast forwarding, we get to the kill scene, IT SUCKS and Z-man does what we all wish we had done earier, he puts his bionic boot to it and kicks it down the hall!!!

So friends, learn from our mistakes, DON'T RENT THIS MOVIE!!!

-El Santo

Our Rating System

El Santo: "AHHHHH!!!! Don't even go near this shit!"

Mr. Paul: "A truly detestable piece of shit. I would have rather had dental surgery."

Eagle Te: "To my eternal shame I must take credit for selecting this pile of shit. No deaths worth a shit and no fun. Jack-O, huh. Try Jack Off instead, it's more fun."

Z-Man: "After viewing this garbage, the only possible way one could get a more potent dose of shit is if they buried their head in a pirate's ASS!"

Ookla The Mock: "To quote a great man...well.... BIRDMAN: 'Oh, the Pressure!'"

Merciful Buddha!