Meet Harold Kunkle. Quite possibly the biggest nerd ever to stalk the face of the earth. His life is a nightmare of ridicule, harrassment, and vicious ass whippings at the hands of local punks. However, when Howard meets his dream girl while at work one day- things look like they might turn around. In an effort to woo his potential woman, Howard orders a videotape series on 'How To Be Cool'. After many excruciating minutes of 'training' (and Jesus, we do mean EXCRUCIATING), Howard musters up enough nerve to go to her house and ask her out on a date. Imagine his surprise when he finds her locked in the hot 'n' sweaty embrace of another fellow employee! Well... with his heart effectively shat upon- Howard leaves her house and heads over to a local watering hole for some good old fashioned sour mash therapy. While trying to drown his sorrows- he hooks up with a pair of hothouse floozy hotches. Howard kicks it with them for a while... but when their boyfriends show up... SURPRISE... they turn out to be the exact same punks that whipped his ass on the street corner! Needless to say- they have a grand time beating the shit out of Howard Kunkle a second time.... but this time something in Harold (besides his femur) snaps. Harold descends into a 100% All-American psychosis and proceeds to exact a shockingly bloody revenge upon everybody who picks on him. Let the world beware: THE KILLER NERD is loose.
Once in a while we run across a movie that simply makes us question why in the hell we do what we do. A movie that sucks such hardcore mutant dick that it honestly makes us wonder why we even bother to rent bad horror movies when we could just as easily pick up "Remains of the Day" or "Portrait of a Lady" and probably have as much fun. Ladies and germs, KILLER NERD is one of these infernal assjammers: guaranteed to take a red hot steaming shit on your day no matter how good it was beforehand. Everything about this movie reeks of pirate's ass: The actors. The film quality (was this shot on home video?). The special effects. The dialogue. The jokes. All drop right off the scale in terms of crapitude. Quite simply one of the worst movies I have ever seen in all my life. Granted, BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL ranks up there as one of the bonafide "big nasties" of the horror world... But if BLACK DEVIL DOLL is the screaming wall-eyed Bitch Queen of Bad Movies, then KILLER NERD is the undisputed King Shit of Turd Mountain.
NOTE: For his role in the selection of KILLER NERD, stalwart review team member Brother Phil was spun around 'til dizzy- then kicked down three flights of steps. Don't let this happen to you!
Our Rating System
Z-man: "I once had a parrot bite my nut sack. The excruciating pain caused by that beak seizing my innocent scrotum has been matched by only one other experience in my life. That experience is KILLER NERD."
El Santo: "I'd rather have Richard Simmons lick peanut butter off my cock than watch this shit again!!!"
Brother Phil: "The exploding head was cheap as shit looking, but the least painful thing to watch in the movie. WARNING: This movie can cause anal hemmoraging and vaginal bleeding! May God have mercy on my soul for making this pick!"
KILLER NERD: YE OLD SHIT LISTE INDUCTEE (7/8/98)
Legend has it that KILLER NERD spawned a sequel: BRIDE OF KILLER NERD. Any wretch who has seen the sequel please contact us: we would be more than happy to put a bullet in your brain and end your suffering!