a.k.a. Blood Fever
Annoying...irritating...these are just a couple of the words commonly used to describe our friend the mosquito. But there is another word that is just as appropriate for these little bloodsuckers from Hell. That word is DEADLY. I know what you're saying, "Bullshit, Te! How could a little annoying fucker like a mosquito be DEADLY?!" First of all, don't ever question me again, bitch. Second of all, you better watch Mosquito if you want to find out! When we entered the corporate hell that is Blockbuster Video, armed with a 50 dollar gift certificate that El Santo stole from the manager when he fell asleep after a night of mind blowing ass fucking, we were desperately searching for anything to fill our night with good bad horror movie action! And boy did we find a gem, a small gem by the name of Mosquito! For those of you who are dying without knowing what the plot is, here you go: An alien space craft, while patroling our solar system and up to no good, crash lands on Earth, killing the pilot. Along come some trusty mosquitos upon the scene to drink deeply of the dead alien's blood which subsequently turns them into giant mutant mosquitos capable of killing human beings with their giant suckers...and also flying in cool, menacing formations! Naturally, this planet ain't big enough for two dominant species, so the mosquitos begin a campaign of extermination of the unsuspecting humans by attacking campsites and hikers in their reign of terror! This human holocaust at the hands of giant, mutant mosquitos drives a group of unlikely allies together (a pair of bumbling bank robbers, a giant black woodsman/scientist, a retard park ranger, and a hothead boyfriend and his snooty girlfriend) in a quest for survival that can only end with one species standing!
Now to the important stuff. RENT THIS MOVIE RIGHT NOW!!! Without a doubt, this movie was probably one of the funniest, most ridiculous, and well executed bad horror movies that we here at NOTC have seen in a long time! This movie makes no attempt to take itself seriously and is completely shameless in it's use of cheap ass special effects and funny ass kills. You know you are in for a treat from the outset when the boyfriend and his girlfriend make roadkill of one of these giant bastards as it flies across the road! The gory explosion of mosquito guts that envelopes the car is first rate and had us reaching for the rewind button at Mach 2! The kick ass thing was that this isn't even close to being one of the best scenes in the movie! If you are looking for one of the best scenes (I think and I believe the rest of the crew thinks) in the film if not in all of horror then look no farther than the simply amazing mosquito nocturnal assault on a couple as they commence with some hardcore fucking in the woods that annhilates beer cans and hot dogs alike that are laying in abundance around them! When the boyfriend goes to take a piss, havoc ensues when one of the mutant mosquitos proceeds to jam his sucker into the nude girlfriend's ass!! Trust me, you will be rewinding this a million times as this ranks as one of the funniest scenes I have ever seen! This classic scene is followed up with an even better reaction shot of the boyfriend. As he runs to his woman's assistance, he looks back to see a massive swarm of the giant mutant mosquitos diving for him! With a scream of "Motherfuckerrrrrrr!!!" he is enveloped by the winged mutants and one of the greatest scenes it has ever been my pleasure to see goes down in history! But wait! Oh yes, there is plenty more! The cheap ass corpses, the barbecue massacre aftermath, the rolling camper siege scene, the sewer siege scene, AND the amazing farmhouse siege finale make this movie one of the BEST bad horror movies that I have ever seen! This movie has it all: titties, aliens, guns, carnage, cheap effects, awesome dialogue, and a kick ass ending that you will have to see to believe!! Make no mistake people, this flick is DEFINITELY worth your time and is a classic in the tradition of TICKS and NIGHT OF THE CREEPS! You simply cannot miss this awesome flick and consider yourself a bad horror movie fan! EAGLE TE DEFINITELY APPROVES!
Our Rating System
Mr. Paul: "Motherfuck... this is one badass flick. The one liners are choice and worthy of the Allan Thick school of acting. If you love panic, gore, and big fatasses being chased by mutant mosquitos then this is film is your God. Bow down and show some respect!"
Z-man: "How does so much love fit into one little VHS tape? I'll tell you how, dammit: mutant mosquito ambushes, wilderness ass impalings, tons of sieges, Pabst Blue Ribbon, and EYE GUTS - EYE GUTS - EYE GUTS! With so much stupid shit in one place, it's damn near impossible to watch MOSQUITO without punching that rewind button a few times. An instant classic that everyone can enjoy... except the blind!"
Eagle Te: "There is just so much to love in this movie that takes all the essential elements in a bad horror movie and lays it on extra thick for all you bastards! The coitus interruptus scene in the woods ranks as one of my all time favorites and the presence of three sieges in one movie will leave you more than a little hoarse from laughing so hard! Do yourself a favor and put down the porno and go and rent this flick! Fuck Adams will still be there when you take Mosquito back!"
El Santo: "More fun then a Titty Shaking Whore at the Sizzler, this movie has it all! It has an ASS, TONS of GUTS AND GLORY, and everybody's favorite---Vietnam Flashbacks! Really, not since 'Baby Got Back' have we seen non-stop booty action like this. Rent this film!"