Night of the Demons 3
a.k.a. Demon House
Run Time: 92 minutes
Production Company: Republic Pictures Home Video
Director: Jim Kaufman
Starring: Amelia Kinkade, Larry Day, Tara Slone
T & A: Hell Yes
Strength of: The Bear
You know, when you were born, your dad looked down in your crib and had but one dream...that some day you would be a man. Well look at you now. Your surfing our pathetic site with pecker out just hoping that Eagle Te will tease you with yet another titilating review. What's even more pathetic is that I am writing this review instead of doing cannonballs off the diving board at Te Manor into my olympic size pool of writhing, lesbian flesh. Any of you fools want to offer your sisters for membership in my poontang hordes? Well, before she can even qualify for an application and complimentary life size portrait of Eagle Te, you must first watch the titfest that is Night of the Demons 3. No shit people, I don't know if this broke any new ground in horror, but to hell with all that when the titties fly faster and more frequently than at the official Red Cross Combat Breastfeeding Survival Course. Before I impart some wisdom on your ass, here is a quick plot summary.
A vanload of stereotypical teenagers must seek refuge in the legendary Hull House after one of their number goes apeshit in a convienience store and guns down a cop. Shit hits the fan when they realize that it is Halloween and they must fight off the demons that haunt the house on this day every year.
Oh stop crying. Yeah, it's a short plot summary but damn it, plot really isn't important in this one at all. The reason being is that the strength in this movie is the reckless display of nudity in this one. Don't believe me? Well just take a look at the opening scene with the goody two shoes bitch and her cheerleader friend as they both proceed to strip and bend over butt ass naked for the camera talking about what they are going to wear to the party. Fuck wearing anything you two, it's time you both wrestled for the right to perform the 30 man trick for Contra with my dick. Surely there couldn't be more nudity...could there? Hell yes there is, and it is shotgunned throughout the movie. Want to see the hot, goth bitch get naked and make her titties bounce? No problem. Want to see the cutesy, goody two shoes bitch get possessed and turn into a nymphomaniac who rides dick like a donkey? Again, no problem as everything sick and depraved that you could possibly dream up for any of the characters is done in this one and leaves you a happy and satisfied turd. The inevitable question comes up, however. How good are the kills? Well, I have to be honest, for the most part the horror in this one sucks as more often than not you are cheated of seeing some of the deaths as the camera cuts away at the critical moment. Thats not to say that this one doesn't have some scenes that make it more than worth your while to watch this. Besides the nudity, there are several funny parts that stand out, like when the sheriff gets killed by his own badge (it becomes a useful throwing star), the partner of the cop who gets shot who shoots at EVEYONE in the convience store like som damn T-1000. Perhaps the funniest part though is when the demon has the goddy girl trapped and says in a funny ass voice, "Happy Halloween, Bitch!". This scene will have you rolling on the floor as it quite possibly the funniest in the whole film. Overall, though, it is the nudity and a coouple of scenes that save this one from the shit heap as the one liners in this one are frequent and excruciating and the lack of some serious gore may leave some horror fans a little disappointed. It has a good feel to it, though, and deserves to be seen with a group of friends that can make the horrible special effects an outlet for unintended laughter. If you don't agree, then Eagle Te will be more than happy to sick my bodyguard/sex machine, the TeBot 2000, on your ass and it can piston pump your anus into the stone age with it's anvil fist attachment while I play Ikari Warriors Three with your naked sister licking my cock. EAGLE TE APPROVES!!!!
Our Rating System
Z-Man:"With enough horny naked sluts to make your velvet painting of Ric Flair speak in tongues, NIGHT OF THE DEMONS 3 is definitely worth a try... especially if you're tired of beating off to your Lara Croft demo disc. The horror factor and kills in this guy don't come close to the intensity of the first two... and the flick pretty much sucks caveman anus: but it's got fat titties (and lots of them), so WHAT MORE DO YOU PEOPLE WANT?!?! Trick or Teet!"
Eagle Te: "Enjoyable for the nudity and the sometimes funny and lame special effects. Not much of a horror movie though, so be warned. It's a mixed bag, kind of like having your nutsack crushed by a horny Keebler Elf."
El Santo: "Do you like titty? Well I do! And If you're like me, you know how to fuck up some good titty. That having been said, Let me say that this movie has some good, clean, family sponsored fucking with a little church approved oral sex on the side. Good for titty, Bad for horror!"