Year: 1991
Rated: R
Run Time: 90 minutes
Production Company: Paramount Home Video
Director: Mark Herrier (Played 'Billy' in Porky's I, II, and Porky's Revenge)
Starring: Jill Schoelen, Tom Villard, Dee Wallace Stone, and Derek Rydall
T & A: Hell No
Marked: For Death

"Buy A Bag, Go Home In A Box"

In early 1991, while the world was still reeling from the titanic success of the awe-inspiring war docudrama Navy S.E.A.L.S., filmmakers were fast at work developing new ideas that would captivate their audience like no other. Television shows like Blossom and Dinosaurs were debuting with immense fan support and the video community was pleased with the releases of 12 Anal titles (to include Anal Addiction 3, Anal Angel, Anal Assassins, Anal Attack, Anal Blitz, Anal Climax 2, Anal Dawn, Anal Fever, Anal Illusions, Anal Leap, Anal Nation 2: The DP Zone, and Anal Storm) and Amatuer Lesbians 1, 7, and 8 (2-6 are another story all together). It would seems as though the film community was going to be left behind in this dark year for cinema by the creative minds that control television and video. The only films that came close to these new avant garde video and film releases were the sequels that hit screens such as: Alligator II: The Mutation, Mummy Dearest 3, Nekromantik 2: Die R€ckkehr der Liebenden Toten, Ernest Scared Stupid, and Twin Cheeks 2, 3, & 4. Not only was the horror community in jeopardy, but the state of film as we know it.

Well, one film stood out from the rest as being execptional in every way. It has the ability to evoke emotions that you never thought were possible. It ventures to new horizons trying to win your favor through debauchary, sadism, and 80's metal video sets... here's the low-down:

The cinematic arts program at the University of California: Omaha is short on funds, so as a means to make ends meet they reopen a run down theatre from the 50's and have an all night horror fest. Using the old tricks of the trade like 3-D, Tingle-Vision, and Aroma-Rama, they pull in a full house. However, there is a creepy stalker after one of the kids and he ends up killing half the cinematic arts department before his coup de grace: killing the girl he's stalking (who just happens to be his long lost daughter) on stage in front of a crowd of screaming horror fans.

In a setting like that how can you go wrong? Watch this movie and find out. The setting is perfect, but they hardly take advantage of it. The story line is stupid as hell and it leads to anger and jealousy towards the dead. The killer is a failed film student who decides he needs to get back at the world for laughing at his movies. Good enough, all we need is a killer with a reason to kill (shit, most of the time we don't even need a reason). So what he does is kills his family on stage after a showing of his film 'The Possessor' (which after seeing I understand why they laughed at him). The theatre catches on fire and burns to the ground with him inside. His daughter escapes and is raised by her aunt until the mysterious bastard returns to finish what he started. The only problem is he must remain incognito which is hard to do considering he has no face... that's right he has no face. He gets around this problem by making latex masks a la Mission: Impossible. Even though that sounds ingenious... he still sucks.

I'd like to say that a film like this is one in a million, however, nowadays flicks like this are a dime a dozen and quickly populating Ye Olde Shit Liste. The kills don't totally suck, but they could be so much better and they just aren't. The plot is stupid and so is the whole film. My suggestion is to go on an An All American Pussy Search instead. It'll be much more satisfying. Until next time...

-Mr. Paul

Our Rating System

Mr. Paul: "I know your every move behind this face. I have control over expendable slaves. When confrontation comes down to the wire, I use my cyclotrode and commence to fire."

Z-man: "That eject button on your VCR is there for a reason. Ahhh... Push it. Push it real good. "

Eagle Te: "I've seen some pretty damn shitty movies in my time, but this one just about takes the fucking cake. While definitely employing a cool venue, this advantage is completely wasted by pathetic kills and an equally weak killer that sucks the hair out of Martha Raye's asshole. FIXADENT and forget it!"

El Santo: "You know, if there's one thing I like better than popcorn... it's POPCOCK."

General Zod: "The geometric shot compositions of the movie within a movie are aesthetic, and the dramatic irony of the climax is impressive, but if you haven't noticed by now, we don't give a shit. General Zod measures his movies on an abacus. Fuck you. Get out of my house."

Merciful Buddha!