Puppet Master

Rated: R
Run Time: 90 minutes
Production Company: Full Moon Entertainment (Doh!)
Director: David Schmoeller (The Arrival, Netherworld)
Starring: Paul Le Mat, William Hickey, Irene Miracle, Jimmie Skaggs
T & A: Hell Yes
What's That: Pink Thing?

"They'll Kill You With No Strings Attached"

In 1903 Andre Toulon discovered a way to make regular objects come to life. He was an old man and used his powers for good by making puppets come to life to keep him company. The facists got word of this and sent a couple of Nazis (I realize that Nazis are a product of the second world war, which hadn't actually happened quite yet. However there is a certain breed of person in a certain type of dress which leads one to call him or her a Nazi. These were those people) to his place to rough him up and learn his secrets. Well Toulan was wise to their skull cracking plans and he packed up his cute little dolls and shot himself... he showed them.

Years later an elite group of psychics are called together when the location of Toulan's shit is discovered. One is a fat Meatloaf lookin' cat that dreams the future. The next, a fortune-teller with a stuffed dog that doubles as the greatest pleasure toy your girlfriend will ever need. Then there is a married couple that consists of an up tight yuppie/generic psychic while his wife can recognize the sexual history of everything she sees... then gets off on it. These cats go to the old hotel where Toulan offed himself and try to discover the same thing the Nazis were. In the process the cute little puppets run amuck and fuck everybody up.

This is a great idea folks, but leave it to Full Moon to find a way to fuck it up. The whole movie was really slow and made no sense. Toulan made these puppets for himself, and they never fucked with anyone while he was alive because he never intended for them too (This is mostly conjecture on my part, I'm making these assumptions based on what little background they gave). However he built them with blades and hooks, drills on their heads, and gave them the ability to spit up leeches. This is one fucked up guy. To tell you the truth, that kind of added to the feel of the movie. Sure it made no sense, but you don't argue semantics when a puppet is drilling through your fucking head or spitting up leeches on you. Maybe that shit wouldn't of happened if you didn't let your wife tie you up. And what were you doing tied up in the first place. Psycho sexual experiment my ass!

The gore and sex factor in this movie was quite high, I was surprised. That's basically what this movie comes down to, Puppets Killing People in very gory ways just after they get laid. And if that's what you want to see, then that's what you'll get. But be forewarned it just isn't that great. It's not even really good. It's just Puppet Master, and you take it for what it's worth (which, hopefully, is a .47 cent rental).

Mr. Paul

Our Rating System

Mr. Paul: "There was just something missing. Like a naked woman sitting in my lap."

Z-Man: "This is definitely one of Full Moon Video's finest offerings...and depending upon your mental condition: that can be a pretty pathetic thing. All in all, though- PUPPET MASTER isn't all THAT bad. A bit slow in some places... and the puppets can be damn lame when they're not in 'attack mode'... but it does have a lot of horny psychics getting butchered in some creative ways and A DOLL THAT SPITS BLOOD-SUCKING LEECHES. Jesus... give it credit for that if nothing else!"

El Santo: "There is nothing I like more then to see German puppets fight and kill innocent people!! El Santo Saz, I six pack, A slut, and a puppet Master flick, That's all I ever wanted for christmas!!"

Brother Phil: "No, this one isn't all that good even though it has leech woman and a guy with a drill on his head. It is something that must be seen, however, because everyone can learn a little something about themselves from the puppet with big hands."


For those of you out there sick enough to consider yourself FANS of those goddamned PUPPETMASTER movies... why endure the constant ridicule of your friends when you can seek refuge from the storm at The Puppetmaster's Web Page? Granted, the name might not sound too terribly original- but you can bet your little wooden ass that this site (hosted by the "Puppet Master" himself) is the absolute best source of PM information on the internet today. Absolutely required viewing for any fans of the Puppet Master series!