Scarecrows

Year: 1988
Rated: Unrated(!)
Run Time: 83 minutes(!)
Production Company: Manson International
Director: William Wesley
Starring: Michael Simms, Ted Vernon
T & A: Hell No
The S Is For: Super
The U Is For: Unique



"They'll Scare You... TO DEATH!!!"


The military payroll has been stolen! A plane has been hijacked! Terrorists have taken a young woman hostage! Don't worry... Scarecrows are on the case. That's right a movie about evil, voodoo enhanced (not Voodoo 2 you computer geeks) scarecrows that kill the villians in a variety of hilarious ways after they've stolen and hijacked and kidnapped. Need I say more? Evidently, because the rest of the NOTC Staff feels as though a review should be more than three lines.

Scarecrows starts with a group of terrorists who've stolen a military payroll as well as a plane. They're just relaxing... basking in their own glory when one of them decides to pull the classic double axe handle... I mean double cross manuver. He throws a few grenades around in the plane and makes a daring escape into that good hard night. The plane crash lands and the terrorists are fucking pissed. What follows is a furious chase though the fields of death, where it's man against man, man against nature, and man against scarecrow.

As with most of the movies I have the distinct pleasure to review, we didn't quite make it through this movie. We saw one kill, we weren't impressed, and we ate pizza instead. Needless to say, I can only assume that the Scarecrows killed more people in a variety of odd and funny ways and the one good natured terrorist ends up saving the girl they kidnapped from certain doom. But not before sacrificing his own life for her safety. You've all seen a movie like this in some way, shape or, form. Be it through the pulse pounding action of Terminator 2: Judgement Day, the riviting psychological lesbian-fest: Basic Instinct, or the bowel crunching, pile driving pain in the ass Skullduggery. Don't waste your time.

-Mr. Paul

Our Rating System


Mr. Paul: "This is some very forgetable shit. If you're in a video store that rents this... they more than likely rent pornography as well. I'd recommend Black Gangbangers No. 7."


Z-man: "I think I'd rather paint Hillbilly Jim's picket fence with a bucket of my own shit than be subjected to the mind-altering HORROR that is SCARECROWS. Absolutely inexcusable. Rent this movie and I'll paint your fence."


Eagle Te: "Ohhhhh God!!!! Watching this I was half expecting to see a little USA television network icon at the bottom of the screen. Rent only if your copy of Barney's Scary Tales is busted. Awful!!!"


Brother Phil: "It sucked a nut. It wanted to suck my other nut, but I wouldn't let it."


Ookla the Mok: "I choose to plead the 121st Amendment and not enter a star rating, as doing so may effect my bowel movements."


General Zod: "Don't fuck me. Fuck a 'Fuck-Pop'. That is what you will say when twenty minutes into the movie you realize that the fat, bald guy(the only potential redeeming factor) hasn't done shit. General Zod would rather be watching 'When the Shit Hit the Fan: The Gary Coleman Story'..."