Slaughterhouse

Year: 1987
Rated: R
Run Time: 85 minutes
Production Company: American Artists
Director: Rick Roessler
Starring: Joe B. Barton, Don Barrett, Sherry Bendorf
T & A: Hell No
Blood: In Your Eye



"Buddy's Got An Axe To Grind... A Big Axe!"




In Godless times, before Night of the Creeps existed, the brothers 5 (sometimes called the 5 Deadly Venoms, other times called The Hedonistic Bastards of the E-Street Bridge) joined forces in search of the most fantastic of all shit-fest movies. Our search led us to the likes of Chopping Mall, Slumber Party Massacre III, C.H.U.D, and The Hidden. All of these films were beyond our comprehension. In fact, we were so taken aback by them, we could not even find the words to describe them. Since then, however, we went through an intensive training course the ancients call English 101. So now we have the skills necessary to tell you the real story behind those films of yesteryear. Until now you were forced to deal with a pathetic squirts of reviews, but that time is over. Now you may bask in the glory of SLAUGHTERHOUSE!

Lester Bacon used to own the best damn pig processing plant in the state. With his pig cutting savvy he got all kinds of money, and women galore. He believed in a quality product with precision cutting that could only come from a human hand. But that wasn't enough for his prodigy Tom Sanford. Tom wanted to modernize, and mechanize, but Lester refused citing "Craftsmanship!" as his reason. Tom left Lester and started his own processing plant, which has put Lester in ruins. Now Tom wants to buy the land and expand his business there... but enough background... let's get into the shit shall we:

Plot like that cries movie of the week, but add in fornicating teenagers and a psychotic 300 pound WWF reject that talks like a pig, acts like a pig, and carry's a big axe and you have yourself some quality schlock! Buddy is Lester Bacon's son that got dropped on his head every hour, on the hour until he was 13 years old. He's very defensive of his turf, so when teenagers decide that the processing plant is a good place to film their horror movie/music video Buddy isn't too thrilled and decides to kill them all!

Sounds good, right? No... fuck off, we thought it did. Unfortunately it didn't live up to it's box and tagline. The intro is incredibly disgusting. Actual footage of pigs being slaughtered in a real processing plant... even we thought that was fucked up. After that everything was mediocre at best. The kills, the gore, the titty. Wait, what titty? That's right, there was no titty. However, you do have to appreciate meddling kids getting killed by farm equipment. Not to mention the soundtrack was exceptional (sort of like the way your three legged dog was exceptional before I hit it with your big wheel). Aside from that SLAUGHTERHOUSE was lacking. There were holes in the plot... I know it's shocking that a film of its caliber would over look some things, but it happened, and the end was simply awful in all of its freeze frame glory. If it comes on Cinemax late one night give it a shot... you can at least watch it while your waiting for RED SHOE DIARIES or EMANUELLE 19 to come on.

-Mr. Paul

Our Rating System


Mr. Paul: "I wish I had gotten blood in my eye, so I wouldn't have had to see all of it."


Z-man: "After the jaw-dropping intro scene this movies goes downhill fast. Still a few laughs here and there, but there's only so much that Buddy can do with his axe. Personally, I wish he had shoved it up his own ass after about an hour into this one!"


El Santo: "A very crappy film... but it did have some kick ass songs...and a Pig-Man."


Eagle Te: "Everybody else liked. I didn't. A must see if you like oinking 300 pound incest deformed killers."