Sleepaway Camp 3: Teenage Wasteland
Year: 1989
Rated: R
Run Time: 80 minutes
Production Company: Double Helix Films
Director: Michael A. Simpson (Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers)
Starring: Kim Wall, Michael J. Pollard, and PAMELA SPRINGSTEEN
T & A: Hell Yes
You Get Hard: When Your Brother Farts

"She's Back To Slash Last Year's Record!"

Angela. Sexy. Hot. Fuck. Which word doesn't belong in this category? If you said sexy doesn't, then you must be looking in the mirror because you're ugly and fat. If you said Angela, then you're about to recieve a spinning rectum crescent kick to your soul because the fact is that ALL of these words fit as they all describe the seductive camper slash queen that we all know and love as Angela of the Sleepaway Camp series! I know what you are thinking, "Hey Te, I thought you and Angela had a falling out?" Such a perception is hopelessly wrong, however. The fact is that I was never the one that had the falling out, it was all Angela's fault. You see, my little kiddies, there are TWO types of women in the world; those that worship the cock of Eagle Te, and those that don't realize it yet. So naturally, it was no surprise when Angela came to my door and rang my gong, begging me to take her back and pleasure her with my carnal technique. After I laughed, I made her prove her loyalty by wrestling Jennifer Love Te in a nude tornament of vaginal endurance (naturally, I watched as they grappled before me while I sat on my fishtank throne) for the right to lick my balls. The fact is that BOTH of them won and had a wonderful hour of licking the caramel topping off my cock (it was nice to have someone's mout h on my member other than my own!)...they don't call me Sweet Te for nothing, you know. So now that Angela is back in my good graces, we here at NOTC decided to review the third installment of the vaunted Sleepaway Camp series! And boy was it a winner! But before I reveal the incredibly cool aspects of Sleepway Camp 3, here is a brief plot synopsis:

Angela offs some New York bitch with milkshake tatooed on her titties so that she can take her place at Camp New Horizons, a new camp at the scene of her last massacre (naturally they're trying to live the horrible publicity down). Once again, Angela wrecks havoc and creates some very UNhappy campers because, well, she kills them! Hey damn it, it simple and to the point and thats what we like so get on your knees and SUCK IT!

Now that you are armed with the plot, you don't know shit about the movie. The fact is that Sleepaway 3 stands as one of the best entries in the entire series even though I guess that isn't a very difficult task in a series that only spans three movies. If you like big titties, stereotypical minority victim bases, and some of the strangest yet creative kills out there, than Sleepaway Camp 3 will not disappoint. The great thing is that Sleepaway Camp 3 maintains that same mindless ambiance that the second one had and there is no better example of this than in the kills! One of my personal favorites was when the rich prep got strung up a flagpole and piledrived to her death far below! Another original one was when the three survivors at the end meet an interesting end at the hands of one of Angela's ingenious booby me, it rocks ass when you see the look on the two unfortunate ones on the recieving end of a very unhappy surprise!!! And as always, the dialogue in this one is top notch as well as each of the campers naturally turn on one another and fling racial slurs at one another! And if you need more (you fuckers are just like your, not her, the retarded one in the wheelchair)then how about renting this one just to hear Angela RAP! Yes, Angela performs her own RAP, that forbidden form of communication that converted every little white bastard in the country into one of Ice T's soldiers, willing to DIE on command for their MASTER! Check it out, it's pretty excruciating!

In the end, I guess the fairest gauge of just how good Sleepaway camp 3 is to say that it is much better than the first but not near as good as the second even though it tries it's best! The kills are funny as hell and the dialogue is top notch as is Angela who hasn't lost a step as the unfortunate campers find out all too well. The only problem is that Sleepaway 3 suffers from an appaling lack of budget as is evidenced by a few kills that come up lame as a result of a lack of a serious budget! This is only a few kills , however, and really doesn't detract from the overall effect of the film which is nothing short of impressive as hell! And if you don't agree, well then you can just kneel before me and suck on that DICK cause now I got my two favorite ladies with me and we're gettin hitched! That's right, MARRIED! How can Eagle te get married to TWO women, you ask? Well the answer is simple (and it's not just the fact that I own an official GO-BOTS bathrobe), Eagle Te has become a Mormon! Those of you lucky enough to address me can now call me Elijah Brigham Te as I marry the two loves of my life! But the rest of you can simply call MASTER! EAGLE TE DEFINITELY APPROVES!

-Eagle Te

Our Rating System

Mr. Paul: "Not quite as good as the others but is packed with large titties and underprivledged youth. It is in Sleepaway 3 that we realize that racial prejudice is foolish and that it gets you nothing but strung up on a flagpole and dropped to your death."

Z-man: "Definitely not as great as the second installment in terms of blood-spattered kills, but Teenage Wasteland buys its fucking titty by the pound... and it's damn impressive! Just be aware that the budget is really a crippling factor in this one- and most of the best shots of bloody carnage are simply cut away from at the last second (a big disappointment considering the last one really put out in this department)! But all in all, Sleepaway 3 is worthy of the series and shouldn't be missed! Just watch out for that fucking RAP SHIT written by DJ A-PIX! Fuck! "

Eagle Te: "Not as good as the second one but much better than the first, Sleepaway Camp 3 stands as yet another AWESOME sequel in this nearly perfect series! Angela pulls no punches in this one and if you can find it defintely check it's subtitled TEENAGE WASTELAND for God sakes!"

El Santo: "Mmmmmmm.... MAN HAM."

General Zod: "A lot of the kills left General Zod hard, but Angela is too much of a genius to be criticized for budget inhibitions. Besides, the opening music kicks so much ass."

Ookla The Mok: "If Death Row Records could have signed Angela, perhaps they would still be 'in effect'. But as they didn't, Dre retired, Snoop moved on, and Tupac is dead. What a shame."