The House On Sorority Row
House of Evil
Run Time: 91 minutes
Production Company: Film Ventures International
Director: Mark Rosman (Force, Evolver)
Starring: Lois Kelso Hunt, Kate McNeil, Tom Barkanic
T & A: (unconfirmed) Hell Yes
It's 1963, the house is dark, the night is cold, and justice is being served without remorse! The film opens with a woman in the painful agony of childbirth. She seems to be having a difficult time squeezing newborn "Dwayne" out, so the doctor pulls out his trusty tablesaw and decides "it's C-section time" (which is not to be confused with VaderTime). A few moments later we hear the woman scream and the baby dies and some other shit which is quickly forgotten. Fast forward about 15 years and it's party time with a few sluts that have just graduated. Seeing as how the girls are horny and school is out, they decided to throw a party in the old sorority house. Mother superior on the other hand doesn't agree to having wild parties and anal sex so the party is canceled. No sex, no drugs, no party... no way... these girls have got a plan: They're going to throw a party any damn way. And, just to stick it to the bitchy house majority leader, they pull a little prank. Of course it's always funny until someone gets hurt, and then it's simply hilarious. The old woman dies and then comes back and starts killing with her cane...
That's about as far as we got in the riviting dramatic pile of shit called HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW. Where does that name sound familiar? It's one of the movies the character Randy spouted off in SCREAM 2 when describing campus horror flicks. After watching this, I feel as though his death was justified. This flick sucked a mean elephant dick. It had an old woman as the killer, and nothing else worthwhile. The two kills we saw were the fucking same, she stabs them with her cane. Hell, the only part that was anywhere near being good, was when a girl got shot in the foot by accident during the prank... but it ended up being a gag. Fuck this movie. Fuck FOREVER EVIL too! They turned what could have possibly been a worthwhile Thursday night into a hellish journey into the minds of very shitty writers. DAMN THEM! DAMN THEM ALL!!!!!!
Our Rating System
Mr. Paul: "I'd sooner kill my dog than think about sitting through that festering pile of shit."
Z-Man: "I would say that this is one of the shittiest horror movies that I've ever seen... but two reasons keep me from doing so. First- the existence of FOREVER EVIL. Second- the fact that this movie was so fucking dark that I couldn't see a goddamn thing! Buy some lights, you cheap bastards!"
Eagle Te:" These chicks are so ugly they couldn't make the back up squad for the Richard Simmons Fat Farm ass fuck orgy scene in a cheap 70s porno movie! The kills were pathetic and the old lady justs beats people down with an old cane...pathetic!!!!! "
C.H.U.D.: YE OLD SHIT LISTE INDUCTEE (8/8/98)