Year: 2002
Rated: R
Run Time: 92 minutes
Production Company: Artisan Home Entertainment
Director: Boris von Sychowski
T & A: Ciao, Titty
My Ass: Your Face

"Take A Dip"

Riddle me this you lazy American bastards. What do Belgium Waffles, French Fries, Mongolian Beef, and Colombian Crack have in Common? They are made with respect, dignity, and you lazy Americans will pay anything to have some funneled down your fat asses. Now, it shouldn’t take a European Uppercut* to make all you lazy gelatin filled homos to sit up straight and pay respects to a TRUE HORROR MOVIE CLASSIS. This Award winning Foreign Film** was actually the first movie in history to portray Americans, and in particular American Girls, as the sluts, Spanish Cock craving whores that they are. The movie has many themes and several points of view, but let’s face it; the only real thing worth talking about is its true reflection on society. Spanish Men are the white women’s burden. The movie revolves around a pool, a clean; European Pool not one of those pissed filled American Trailer Trash pools. A bunch of white women fight to contain their lust for their Spanish friends, all the while someone is killing them with entertaining water action. Now, you must realize that this movie has a kill count of about 100, when you factor in the conversion rate. You see it takes 10 slack jaw red blooded American kills to equal one regal European kill. Wait….wait…I hear something….

E...U...... E...U......

E...U...... E...U......

E...U...... E...U......

E...U...... E...U......

Nothing like a Real European Union Chant to get you blood going.

You might be asking yourself, Why the hostility? Why The anger? Cause for two long, you pathetic Americans have robbed the Great European Empire of its rightful credit. Where would America be without its RODAN, GO-BOTS, BUSHWACKERS, and Crocodile Dundee? You’d be under a rock, suckling at the teat of disparity.

Now, if going to McDonalds and getting a McHandjob is your thing, then you shouldn’t rent this movie, cause your not good enough you pathetic American scum. But if you enjoy bowing down to the superior ways of your European fathers, then this movie is for you.

*Developed by early barbican hordes, the European Uppercut is a combination of a Russian Sickle and a Japanese Chop.

**Winner of the “We’re better than America” award for theatrical excellence.


Our Rating System

Mr. Paul: "Leave it to a goddamn mestizo to fuck things up."

Z-man: "E.U.? E.U.? I'll E.U. in Hell, motherfucker."

El Santo: "Rick Stiner wears a helmet because of a Lord Steven Regal European Uppercut."