Trick or Treat
Year: 1986
Rated: R
Run Time: 97 minutes
Production Company: DEG
Director: Charles Martin Smith (Air Bud, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" The Series)
Starring: Marc Price, Ton Fields, Lisa Orgolini, Gene Simmons, and Ozzy Osbourne
Music By: Sammi Curr, Anthrax, Twisted Sister, Ratt, W.A.S.P., White Snake, and Warrant
T & A: Hell Yes
Lathe Operator: Milton Mills
Grandma's Grits Too Salty

"What Are You Afraid Of? It's Only ROCK 'N' ROLL!"

Kids today just don't understand. They think they know everything with their new fangled artists like OutKast and DMX. They buy a Master P record and tell their friends "unnhnnhnn nana nana" and think its okay. But they're wrong. Dead wrong. Kids don't realize that a 'classic' hit doesn't come from early '95... and the Notorious P.I.G. didn't start shit. You kids out there need to...

"But what about No Limit?"

Fuck No Limit! Those pussy-fisted faggots wouldn't know a good record if I beat them to death with one. Where the No Limit soldiers at? In the back sucking my fucking dick. Now shut the fuck up and don't interrupt me again. As I was saying... the inconsiderate MTV youth of today are such a far cry from the MTV youth of yesterday. They have their 'Lunch with Jesse' and the N'SYNC countdown. What happened to Adam Curry and Martha Quinn? What happened to HeadBangers' Ball and the MTV Half-Hour Comedy Hour with Mario Joiner? What happened to big hair and metal baby! METAL!!! You kids need to get back to the roots and check out some real music that'll rock hair off your ass and make you cry like a man... and Trick or Treat is just the movie to do it.

Sammi Curr, a huge metal icon, is coming to town to play a Halloween bash at his former high school for all the real Americans that want to rock! Well, Eddie Winebauer is one such American and Sammi's biggest fan... with hits like "Flaming Metal" and "Torture's Too Kind" who wouldn't be? Anyway Sammi Curr dies in a horrible microwave burrito accident and Eddie is crushed. However, before his death he released a final acid burn vinyl demo (for those kids out there unaware... vinyl is the material records are made of) which Sammi's friend at the radio station Gene Simmons(!!!), Nuke to you, scum, has procured and will play at midnight... time for a homicide. Turns out this record is possessed by the spirit of Sammi Curr and if you play it backwards (which Eddie does) there's a hidden message which tells him to kill all the preppy fuckers that make fun of him and throw him into the pool. Eventually this force of evil becomes so powerful it leaps out of the record and starts fucking people up at the Halloween ball.

Fucking A this movie is good. Not only is the star of the movie Skippy from Family Ties (I don't expect you kids to be familiar with such classic television. Hell, you little brats think Smart Guy is old school!) but it also has more metal than a Jigsaw Booty. When Skippy sets up traps for his big chase scene through the cafeteria... you'll watch it six times when that fool does the slip-n-slide out the door and down the steps. We've seen a lot of eighties movies, and none come close to this one. Find it, rent it, and fucking like it. Get some culture.

-Mr. Paul

Our Rating System

Mr. Paul: "Dance with the dead in my dreams, listen to the hallowed screams. The dead have taken my soul... Temptation, I've lost all control!"

Z-man: "Fans of 80s Big Hair Metal should murder the whole family in their sleep for a chance to see this shit in action: it's that funny. TRICK OR TREAT is low on gore, but it's high on one critical thing you lack, dick... and that's S.T.Y.L.E. Seeing Ozzy Osbourne as a televangelist made me want to go to church. ROCK 'N' ROLL!!! "

Eagle Te: "While it may not seem like much from the box, don't be fooled. Trick or Treat stands as one of those oft passed over horror gems that will have you rolling on the floor with laughter over countless kick ass scenes of mayhem and 80s rock violence. Watching Ozzy Osborne scream in pain as the demonic rocker raked his claws across the TV screen will have you hitting the rewind button over and over again!"