Name: GENERAL ZOD
Height: 6'0" Weight: 175 lbs.
Wins: 35,892 K.O.'s: ALL OF THEM
Fighting Styles: DRUNKEN MONKEY FIST, IRISH DANCE
Patent Move: LORD OF THE PANTS GROIN STRIKE
Favorite Color: Black
Favorite Passtime: Beating The Fuck Out Of Spoiled Rich Kids
Pet Peeves: YOU






Having been cheated out of his powers by the punk-ass, Hanes-his-Way son of JOR-EL (a.k.a. "a bitch"), General Zod spent the past two decades wandering the shit infested piss hole known as Planet Houston. With no help from the yellow sun for making ends meet, he was forced to take up a slew of shitty oddjobs that ranged from Alka-Seltzer taste-testing to having his own show on the WB. During this time, he bagan studying the self defense techniques of primates at a zoo where he was residing. One day as he was working on his 360 Degree Lemur Leg Lock, a group of rowdy gigolos known as NIGHT OF THE CREEPS were having their picture taken with the rat monkey from DEAD ALIVE and noticed his uncanny fighting style. The one called Z MAN approached him and began to ask questions. General Zod then proceeded to unravel the great ball of shit that his life had become. MR> PAUL turned to the others and suggested, "Maybe he could be of use to us."

"We must test him." countered BROTHER PHIL. Immediately following these words, EAGLE TE delivered a dim ak to General Zod's packaged sweetness. General Zod withstood effortlessly.

"He didn't even budge!" ejaculated EL SANTO.

"He has fighting spirit!" added the MARQUIS DE SADE. OOKLA THE MOK stood slurping his blue slush.

"Fighting spirit my ass," replied General Zod. "I gotta piece tough enough to make cole slaw." Perplexed by the ambiguous statement, the NIGHT OF THE CREEPS staff paused momentarily.

Z MAN continued, "If you join us, we can restore your powers."

General Zod then asked hesitantly, "What is you discipline?"

MR. PAUL replied, "We review films... horror films.. bad horror films."

General Zod thought for a moment. "How can one culminate that which already retains an adjectival stigma?"

OOKLA THE MOK took another sip of slush, "Join us and you will be free."

GENERAL ZOD agreed, "Alright, but I'm not writing one of those stupid bios..." Ahh fuck.




"Yo Bitch, you betta watch that shit.
I got my powers back and the only way I'm taking that lip is TO MY DICK!"




FLEE IN PANT WETTING TERROR